


thor broke the toaster again

by Just_fucking_gay



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Avengers in High School, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Domestic Avengers, Drugs, Everyone Is Gay, Except Flash, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Marvel Universe, Natasha Romanov Is a Good Bro, Nothing in here is canon, Red Haired Wanda Maximoff, Wanda Maximoff Needs a Hug, Wanda has anxiety, and so is Pepper, and vis can also fuck himself, because tony cannot handle himself, because tony is kinda gay, but dont worry they dont date, but like not really dangerous ones, everyone is fucking gay, everyone needs some help, its no cocaine, just weed, maybe a lot depressed, more characters and tags to be added later, natasha is a lesbian disaster, not saying weed isnt dangerous but, pepper is the boss of tony, pietro has no clue, this book is a meme, wanda is a little depressed, who can go fuck himself honestly
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-08
Updated: 2019-07-18
Packaged: 2020-01-06 20:18:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 16
Words: 17,121
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18395627
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Just_fucking_gay/pseuds/Just_fucking_gay
Summary: The Avengers are in high school. They have many chatrooms. It goes about as well as you think.





	1. dawn of the first day

**Author's Note:**

> deafkatniss - another side note I lost my hearing aids  
> flyingbastard - rip

MeMe LoRdEs  
memeyboy - Peter Parker  
ishurihopeitdoes - Shuri  
mercwithamouth - Wade Wilson  
lochnedmonster - Ned  
icouldadroppedmycroissant - MJ

Wednesday 3:05 am

memeyboy - ITS WEDNESDAY MY DUDES  
ishurihopeitdoes - peter what the fuck it's 3 am and we have fuckin SCHOOL today  
memeyboy - so??? ITS FUCKIN WEDNESDAY  
icouldadroppedmycroissant - we haven't even started the year and I'm already done with school  
ishurihopeitdoes - over this dumbass school with all these fakeass people.  
lochnedmonster - hey  
ishurihopeitdoes - hey.  
ishurihopeitdoes - fuckin bitch.  
mercwithamouth - GO TO FUCKING SLEEP  
memeyboy - watch your profanity.  
mercwithamouth - bitch a hope the fuck you do you'll be a dead son of a bitch i tell you  
mercwithamouth - but please sleep pete  
memeyboy - fine  
ishurihopeitdoes - #whipped

 

Scary Bitches Unite  
iwonthesitatebitch - Natasha Romanoff  
rawritsloki - Loki Odinson  
onearmedbastard - Bucky Barnes  
helasinhell - Hela Odinson  
deafkatniss - Clint Barton

Wednesday 6:43 am

iwonthesitatebitch - Apparently we are getting 2 new kids who are twins  
rawritsloki - why do i care???  
iwonthesitatebitch - Idk I heard they're cute  
deafkatniss - really???  
deafkatniss - Are they both girls??? Cuz if they are Nat I swear.  
iwonthesitatebitch - No relax one is a boy.  
iwonthesitatebitch - Also I kind of already volunteered us to tutor them sorry.  
deafkatniss - sorry WHAT  
rawritsloki - wait me too??? cuz nah  
iwonthesitatebitch - Not you just me and Clint.  
rawritsloki - good cuz i was about to throw hands.  
onearmedbastard - what time does school start?  
helaisinhell - you stupid bitch it starts at 8.  
rawritsloki - you ask this every year dumbass  
onearmedbastard - kay ill be there at 9.

 

Science Bros  
greengiant - Bruce Banner  
tonysnark - Tony Stark

Wednesday 7:02 am

tonysnark - Bruce you need a ride?  
greengiant - Yeah Thor said Hela won't drive anyone but him and Loki  
tonysnark - That's tough.  
greengiant - Yeah but I understand.  
tonysnark - I'll pick you up at 7:30  
greengiant - Thanks man I owe you.  
tonysnark - It's no biggie.

 

what's straight???  
tonysnark - Tony Stark  
deafkatniss - Clint Barton  
patrioticdoof - Steve Rodgers  
iwonthesitatebitch - Natasha Romanoff  
bossassbitch - Carol Danvers  
gimmebooze - Valkyrie  
onearmedbastard - Bucky Barnes  
poptartgod - Thor Odinson  
greengiant - Bruce Banner  
kingmeow - T'Challa  
flyingbastard - Sam Wilson  
rawritsloki - Loki Odinson

Wednesday 7:20 am

rawritsloki - GUYS WE HAVE AN EMERGENCY!  
tonysnark - Oh wow Loki using capital letters? Must be serious.  
rawritsloki - THOR BROKE THE DAMN TOASTER  
greengiant - Again?  
rawritsloki - YES AGAIN. 4TH TIME THIS YEAR. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO EAT BURNT TOAST NOW?  
poptartgod - IT'S ONLY THE 3RD TIME BROTHER!!!  
tonysnark - Thor it's the 4th time. I have fixed it three times and found burnt pop tarts inside.  
deafkatniss - damn. tony living up to his name.  
gimmebooze - all that aside, i'm having a party friday yall are invited and can bring whoever.  
rawritsloki - i can bring my snake???  
gimmebooze - no. I meant person wise. no you may not bring a damn snake.  
iwonthesitatebitch - Okay to be serious I'm at school and the new girl is really h o t I'm nervous cuz I have to tutor her anfaljfugbyuhnjiadsubhfjk  
deafkatniss - lmao gay mess  
bossassbitch - you act as though we are all not gay messes.  
greengiant - I'm not. I'm a gay success.  
tonysnark - asjfijflnfidnubfiwernjfs nice joke Bruce.  
greengiant - Stfu Tiny  
greengiant - Tony***  
rawritsloki - tiny lmao.  
tonysnark - I'm not that short!!!  
iwonthesitatebitch - I know so many females taller than you.  
iwonthesitatebitch - Also sidenote I have to show Wanda around (the new girl) and shes really hot and im panicking. help  
deafkatniss - you know it's serious when Nat forgets punctuation.  
iwonthesitatebitch - stfu you got trapped in a vent last year.  
deafkatniss - that is relevant how???  
tonysnark - Wait you did? I though that was a lie!  
iwonthesitatebitch - He did. He called me and I had to pull him out.  
iwonthesitatebitch - Gtg.  
bossassbitch - don't be too much of a useless lesbean.  
iwonthesitatebitch - no promises  
deafkatniss - another side note I lost my hearing aids  
flyingbastard - rip


	2. wades weed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> memeyboy - uh hi im peter parker and im a sophmore and im uh pan and uh you could say im peter pan but yeah  
> rawritsloki - i've only known peter for two minutes but if anything happened to him i would kill everyone in this groupchat and then myself.

Chaos Twins  
scarletbitch - Wanda Maximoff  
roadrunner - Pietro Maximoff

Wednesday 10:34 am

scarletbitch - Pietro where tf are you???  
roadrunner - I'm with this dude Wade and honestly it's lit.  
scarletbitch - I swear if you're smoking you're dead  
roadrunner - I'm not relax  
roadrunner - I'm just getting a tour of the school  
scarletbitch - That's not true  
roadrunner - Yeah, but the Janitor's closet is pretty cool  
scarletbitch has logged off  
roadrunner - lmao serves her right

 

 

 

Scary Bitches Unite  
iwonthesitatebitch - Natasha Romanoff  
rawritsloki - Loki Odinson  
onearmedbastard - Bucky Barnes  
helasinhell - Hela Odinson  
deafkatniss - Clint Barton

Wednesday 10:47 am

iwonthesitatebitch - So the twins are very different...  
deafkatniss - That means...  
iwonthesitatebitch - I just caught the male one smoking weed with Wade in the Janitors closet.  
iwonthesitatebitch - and Wanda is just less outgoing... and probably less high rn.  
rawritsloki - were they just smoking weed???  
iwonthesitatebitch - No...  
helasinhell - do tell  
iwonthesitatebitch - [REDACTED]  
onearmedbastard - oml  
deafkatniss - i'd say that he needs jesus but I've done the same thing with Wade so it's really not a big deal lmao  
iwonthesitatebitch - I will never unsee that.  
rawritsloki - well now you know what he's into  
iwonthesitatebitch - I...  
iwonthesitatebitch - I will never be able to look him in the eyes again.  
deafkatniss - well now i don't have to ask if he's gay

 

 

 

MeMe LoRdEs  
memeyboy - Peter Parker  
ishurihopeitdoes - Shuri  
mercwithamouth - Wade Wilson  
lochnedmonster - Ned  
icouldadroppedmycroissant - MJ

Wednesday 11:17 am

memeyboy - Wade where you at  
mercwithamouth - high and dry in Califry  
ishurihopeitdoes - damn he's high af  
memeyboy - that answers my question  
mercwithamouth - you bet it does btich

 

 

 

Scary Bitches Unite  
iwonthesitatebitch - Natasha Romanoff  
rawritsloki - Loki Odinson  
onearmedbastard - Bucky Barnes  
helasinhell - Hela Odinson  
deafkatniss - Clint Barton

Wednesday 11:29 am

deafkatniss - Wade just asked me if his eyes were red  
deafkatniss - HIS EYES ARE CLOSED  
rawritsloki - we have reached a new low in humanity.  
deafkatniss - I think you mean highmanity - Wade  
onearmedbastard - what the fuck wade  
deafkatniss - i want what i do to do what i want - Wade  
iwonthesitatebitch - Does he know I walked in on him and Pietro?  
_deafkatniss added mercwithamouth to Scary Bitches Unite_  
mercwithamouth - yeah I knew Nat but I just figured it would be better not to say anything.  
mercwithamouth - also don't tell Wanda or Pietros literally dead.  
iwonthesitatebitch - Why???  
mercwithamouth - Because apparently he's not supposed to smoke but he doesn't listen to her so it's probably fine.  
iwonthesitatebitch - I'll only keep it a secret if I get something in return.  
mercwithamouth - uhmmmmmm...  
mercwithamouth - what do you want  
iwonthesitatebitch - Do my chem homework for a month.  
mercwithamouth - fine.  
deafkatniss - why chem homework???  
iwonthesitatebitch - It's the only subject Wade's good at.  
mercwithamouth - HEY  
iwonthesitatebitch - Oh yeah I forgot sucking dick.  
mercwithamouth - THANK YOU

 

 

 

 

what's straight???  
tonysnark - Tony Stark  
deafkatniss - Clint Barton  
patrioticdoof - Steve Rodgers  
iwonthesitatebitch - Natasha Romanoff  
bossassbitch - Carol Danvers  
gimmebooze - Valkyrie  
onearmedbastard - Bucky Barnes  
poptartgod - Thor Odinson  
greengiant - Bruce Banner  
kingmeow - T'Challa  
flyingbastard - Sam Wilson  
rawritsloki - Loki Odinson

Wednesday 1:34 pm

iwonthesitatebitch - I have just about had the worst day ever.  
patrioticdoof - Oh no! What happened?  
iwonthesitatebitch - First, I caught Wade and Pietro doing something I will never unsee.  
iwonthesitatebitch - Then, since it's the first day of school, I forgot to check my chocolate milks expiration date. It was a few weeks expired.  
deafkatniss - ewwwwww  
iwonthesitatebitch - Finally, while I was walking alone with Wanda a chunk of damn ceiling tile fell on my head because the ceiling was leaking.  
gimmebooze - That was so funny  
onearmedbastard - that was you??? now I feel bad for laughing when i saw it happen.  
rawritsloki - I don't  
iwonthesitatebitch - Of course you don't, you're a bitch.  
_tonysnark added memeyboy to what's straight???_  
rawritsloki - who tf is that tony???  
memeyboy - uh hi im peter parker and im a sophomore and im uh pan and uh you could say im peter pan but yeah  
rawritsloki - i've only known peter for two minutes but if anything happened to him i would kill everyone in this groupchat and then myself.  
poptartgod - Never before has my brother said such a thing.  
memeyboy - really???  
poptartgod - Never in all the time I have known him.  
iwonthesitatebitch - Nice to meet you Peter, Wade and Tony have said a lot about you.  
memeyboy - they have??? i feel so honored!!!  
gimmebooze - me and tony were drinking once and he went on an hour rant about how peter is so smart and nice and how he deserves the world  
memeyboy - im so flattered!!!

 

 

 

Chaos Twins  
scarletbitch - Wanda Maximoff  
roadrunner - Pietro Maximoff

Wednesday, 4:20 pm

scarletbitch - Pietro? I have a slight problem  
roadrunner - did you punch someone again? because Wanda i stg that i am not switching schools again  
scarletbitch - a little bigger of a problem  
roadrunner - what  
scarletbitch - i lost my meds  
roadrunner- YOU WHAT?!??!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yall sorry it took so long it's just i fucking hate school and i honestly totally forgot to finish this chapter for like a month. also sorry this is short but i promise that the chapters will get longer as they go on, i just kinda need to get the story rolling first.


	3. a literal mess

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kingmeow - Kay.  
> memeyboy - had to hit em' with the: Kay. *dabs*  
> memeyboy - *airhorns*

sad cult  
iwonthesitatebitch - Natasha Romanoff  
deafkatniss - Clint Barton

Thursday 10:15 am

iwonthesitatebitch - so tutored wanda yesterday and absialkhbeshkbiuaw  
deafkatniss - uhhhh????  
deafkatniss - nat are you okay? do you need some milk?  
iwonthesitatebitch - hnnngnggggggg she called me adorable and smart and asdjaksdanskjdsada  
deafkatniss - okay youre officially broken  
deafkatniss - so have you seem either twin today???  
iwonthesitatebitch - Now that you mention it, no i have not.

 

 

 

Chaos Twins  
scarletbitch - Wanda Maximoff  
roadrunner - Pietro Maximoff

Thursday 10:32 am

scarletbitch - Pietro I am really sorry  
roadrunner - wanda i know you are i just really didnt want to have to do this right now.  
scarletbitch - I know you don't and I also know that you're mad at me. It was my mistake I just wasn't really focused on keep track of them.  
roadrunner - yeah because youre too gay to function around natasha im not blind wanda  
scarletbitch - I promise I'll be more careful.  
roadrunner - You better be or else I will not get you any more.  
scarletbitch - Okay...

 

 

 

 

deafkatniss created a group chat.  
deafkatniss added bossassbitch, rawritsloki, gimmebooze, roadrunner, onearmedbastard, and mercwithamouth.  
deafkatniss renamed the chat to OPERATION GET NATASHA A DAMN GIRLFRIEND

Thursday 11:25 am

deafkatniss - pretty sure i added the gayest people i know to this  
deafkatniss - and im going to explain real quick  
deafkatniss - long story short nat is a total gay mess over wanda and they need to like date now.  
roadrunner - can confirm wanda is also gay disaster  
bossassbitch - Honestly i was bout ready to force both of them into a closet together cuz even though its been like a few days im kinda done with them  
onearmedbastard - the amount of times Nat has ranted about wanda is unbearable.  
mercwithamouth - also speaking of wanda, pietro where tf are you  
roadrunner - unimportant... theres a million things i have to do  
mercwithamouth - ahhhh... i got you  
gimmebooze renamed the chat to OPERATION GET NATASHA TO DATE WANDA FFS  
deafkatniss - anyway today nat went on a rant to me about how she tutored wanda yesterday and wanda called her adorable and smart and honestly i dont think nat will ever function again.  
gimmebooze - me irl  
rawritsloki - also pietro how mad would you be if hypothetically i shoved wanda in a closet and locked her in there with nat  
roadrunner - honestly id be grateful

 

 

 

 

 

what's straight???  
tonysnark - Tony Stark  
deafkatniss - Clint Barton  
patrioticdoof - Steve Rodgers  
iwonthesitatebitch - Natasha Romanoff  
bossassbitch - Carol Danvers  
gimmebooze - Valkyrie  
onearmedbastard - Bucky Barnes  
poptartgod - Thor Odinson  
greengiant - Bruce Banner  
kingmeow - T'Challa  
flyingbastard - Sam Wilson  
rawritsloki - Loki Odinson  
memeyboy - Peter Parker

Thursday 12:45 pm

memeyboy - i fucking love loki  
tonysnark - loki??? wtf peter  
memeyboy - so this kid was bothering me and loki saw so he just fucking picked the kid up, yelled 'this bitch empty, yeet!' and threw him into a trash can.  
bossassbitch - oml  
gimmebooze - we stan a queen  
patrioticdoof - Is that the scream Bucky and I heard while we were in the office?  
rawritsloki - most definitely  
rawritsloki - Im pretty sure the kid is never living that down.  
tonysnark - guys i just met the coolest fucking dude  
tonysnark - his name is fucking Stephen STRANGE and if thats not the coolest name idk what is.  
tonysnark - also hes gay so imma add him  
_tonysnark added wizardofthegay to whats straight???_  
gimmebooze - wizardofthegay??? i fuckin LOVE it  
wizardofthegay - thank you???  
rawritsloki - listen wizard dude its cool to meet you and all but this morning thor ate those square pretzels in milk cuz he thought they were cereal.  
greengiant - Wait are you actually serious?  
rawritsloki - yes i mean ive never seen anything like it. he was so confused and he was like 'why is my cereal salty?' and i just said 'oh my god ur so fuckin dumb'  
poptartgod - not my fault they look like those Chex things.  
iwonthesitatebitch - Wait wait wait  
iwonthesitatebitch - Steve why were you in the office?  
deafkatniss - and why was Mr. Buck McBucky with you?  
onearmedbastard - wtf did you just call me clit  
deafkatniss - its clint  
onearmedbastard - i know what i said.  
onearmedbastard - clit  
patrioticdoof - It was because they wanted me to tutor Bucky because he's failing Calculus and I ahve like the best grade in that class.  
iwonthesitatebitch - oh that reminds me  
_iwonthesitatebitch added roadrunner and scarletbitch to whats straight???_  
iwonthesitatebitch - these are the twins  
flyingbastard - T'Challa and I had the... fortunate pleasure of meeting Pietro yesterday.  
kingmeow - it was quite...  
flyingbastard - enlightening.  
roadrunner - shhhhhhhhhhhhh  
kingmeow - Kay.  
memeyboy - had to hit em' with the: Kay. *dabs*  
memeyboy - *airhorns*  
rawritsloki - i felt that  
gimmebooze - mood  
scarletbitch - omg pietro I thought I was in trouble yesterday.  
scarletbitch - You are so fucking dead when I get home.  
deafkatniss - ooooooooooooh she mad  
iwonthesitatebitch - Clint stfu.  
bossassbitch - also Mr. Thanos totally just caught me and val and hes so mad  
rawritsloki - oml carol youre so dumb  
bossassbitch - in my defense it was not my fault  
gimmebooze - anjskdabfhasjdhbh yes it was  
gimmebooze - as i recall YOU'RE the one who jumped ME  
gimmebooze - also definitely getting a detention  
bossassbitch - shit Fury is gonna be so mad

 

 

 

 

Science Bros  
tonysnark - Tony Stark  
greengiant - Bruce Banner

Thursday 1:09 pm

tonysnark - you should tell him at the party  
greengiant - Tell who? What? Hahahahahahaha ihavenotideawhatyouretalkingabout  
tonysnark - godammit bruce  
tonysnark - if you dont i will  
greengiant - DON'T YOU DARE  
tonysnark - i will dare is you dont say something  
tonysnark - honestly its been too long you should do something  
tonysnark - he probably likes you back you big dumb fool  
greengiant - I'm not talking about this I have a test.  
greengiant - Bye Tony.  
tonysnark - can't keep running bruce.

 

 

 

Chaos Twins  
scarletbitch - Wanda Maximoff  
roadrunner - Pietro Maximoff

Thursday 2:10 pm

roadrunner - so before you get too mad as revenge for you losing your damn anxiety meds again we are going to Valkyries party tomorrow and you cannot skip out of it.  
scarletbitch - What????  
scarletbitch - How is that fair?  
roadrunner - because it is  
roadrunner - also remember dont drink too much or itll mess with the meds  
scarletbitch - I know. I'm not that dumb Pietro.  
roadrunner - interactions with Natasha would suggest differently.  
scarletbitch - I hope you have fun being tutored by Clint.  
roadrunner - I will ;)  
scarletbitch - Bye Pietro.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im kinda in a big writing mood so like i might have two or three more chapters updated before tuesday so im excite  
> also the next chapter is literally drama drama drama drama drama drama


	4. the party

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tonysnark - ur hot  
> tonysnark - aijahahahhahaahaha  
> tonysnark - really hot  
> tonysnark - wanna fuck ;)

what's straight???  
tonysnark - Tony Stark  
deafkatniss - Clint Barton  
patrioticdoof - Steve Rodgers  
iwonthesitatebitch - Natasha Romanoff  
bossassbitch - Carol Danvers  
gimmebooze - Valkyrie  
onearmedbastard - Bucky Barnes  
poptartgod - Thor Odinson  
greengiant - Bruce Banner  
kingmeow - T'Challa  
flyingbastard - Sam Wilson  
rawritsloki - Loki Odinson  
memeyboy - Peter Parker  
wizardofthegay - Stephen Strange  
scarletbitch - Wanda Maximoff  
roadrunner - Pietro Maximoff

Friday 5:23 pm

deafkatniss - can someone drive me to the party?  
deafkatniss - i totaled my car.  
iwonthesitatebitch - I would but my motorcycle only carries 2 and I'm already taking Wanda.  
scarletbitch - :)  
iwonthesitatebitch - Wait you TOTALED YOUR CAR???  
deafkatniss - it was an accident and i wasn't even in the car.  
flyingbastard - you should have seen the damn car it was destroyed!  
flyingbastard - also since im here ill drive you clint  
greengiant - Clint what happened?  
deafkatniss - I parked it in a parking lot and some stupid sophomore that didn't know how to drive literally fucking shredded it.  
deafkatniss - also Val im pretty sure he was just at your party. he's smashed.  
gimmebooze - oh yeah that's probably miles he's really stupid.  
gimmebooze - he also left like ten minutes ago.  
tonysnark - oh yeah he's friends with Peter  
kingmeow - Quill?  
tonysnark - no not Quill, Parker.  
deafkatniss - that makes sense  
iwonthesitatebitch - In what way?  
deafkatniss - when i told him he destroyed my car he rolled down his back window (the only one still intact), leaned his chair all the way back, and said 'that wasn't very cash money of you' and tried to drive off, but he backed up into a railing.  
flyingbastard - and then when I showed up after Clint called me Miles told me 'come get yalls juice' and tried to run me over.  
deafkatniss - we had to physically force him out of the car.  
gimmebooze - i will not be held responsible. just threaten to call his dad. he's a cop.  
flyingbastard - i did that and he fucking cried.  
gimmebooze - told you  
memeyboy - godammit ill come get him. tony i need a ride  
tonysnark - on my way kid

Friday 6:27 pm

onearmedbastard - me and steve are almost there  
memeyboy - Steve??? at a party??? its more likely than you think  
iwonthesitatebitch - I'm about to pick up Wanda.  
scarletbitch - thank you again  
iwonthesitatebitch - It's not a problem Wands.  
deafkatniss - (guess what, its gay)  
gimmebooze - okay so yall better know that no one is allowed to fucking destory anything, you can get totally smashed but you cannot, i repeat, cannot break any of my shit  
bossassbitch - one exception ;)  
bossassbitch - also ill be there soon babe xxx  
memeyboy - ewwwww  
memeyboy - an actually healthy relationship  
memeyboy - gross  
rawritsloki - mood

 

 

OPERATION GET NATASHA TO DATE WANDA FFS  
deafkatniss - Clint Barton  
bossassbitch - Carol Danvers  
rawritsloki - Loki Odinson  
gimmebooze - Valkyrie  
roadrunner - Pietro Maximoff  
onearmedbastard - Bucky Barnes  
mercwithamouth - Wade Wilson

Friday 6:38 pm

deafkatniss - okay so yall better know that this party is like a make or break for this whole like operation so dont fuck it up or ill kill you  
deafkatniss - and frankly i think natasha would kill you too  
roadrunner - wanda would too she was talking my ear off about how she was getting a ride with nat  
roadrunner - or, as wanda refers to her, 'tasha'  
onearmedbastard - she must really like wanda because i tried to call her that and she put me in a choke hold.  
mercwithamouth - kinky ;)  
deafkatniss - kay wade stfu  
roadrunner - also psa dont let wanda drink too much  
gimmebooze - ill try my best

 

 

space girlfriends  
gimmebooze - Valkyrie  
bossassbitch - Carol Danvers

Friday 7:01 pm

gimmebooze - babe? where are you? you said you'd be here over a half hour ago?  
gimmebooze - are you okay?

Friday 7:16 pm

gimmebooze - carol please respond im really worried  
gimmebooze - im going to call you

*beep*  
This is Carol Danvers, if you are hearing this i didn't want to talk to you, I'm in trouble, or I'm with my girl. Please leave a message after the beep.  
*beeeeeep*  
"Hey, Carol it's me. Val. Where are you? I understand if something came up but it's been 45 minutes and no one has heard from you. Please call me back. I need to know you're okay,"  
*call ended*

 

 

Chaos Twins  
scarletbitch - Wanda Maximoff  
roadrunner - Pietro Maximoff

Friday 7:23

roadrunner - hey wanda where are you  
scarletbitch - fukc off pete im habing fun  
roadrunner - wanda where are you  
scarletbitch - I'm joking Pietro, I'm with Natasha.  
roadrunner - stay with her  
scarletbitch - Nowhere else I'd rather be  
roadrunner - gay

*beep*  
This is Carol Danvers, if you are hearing this i didn't want to talk to you, I'm in trouble, or I'm with my girl. Please leave a message after the beep.  
*beeeeeep*  
"Hey, its Val again. It's almost been an hour. Please tell me you're okay. Please. I... I don't know if I can do this without you. Please be okay,"  
*call ended*

 

 

captains  
tonysnark - Tony Stark  
patrioticdoof - Steve Rogers

Friday 7:40 pm

tonysnark - ifucking loveyou stebe  
tonysnark - hnafkjlgbajlkdfgaas  
tonysnark - whyd we break up anyway  
tonysnark - ahhhhhhhhh imontop oftheworld  
tonysnark - ur hot  
tonysnark - aijahahahhahaahaha  
tonysnark - really hot  
tonysnark - wanna fuck ;)

 

 

science bros  
tonysnark - Tony Stark  
greengiant - Bruce Banner

Friday 7:45 pm

tonysnark - heyyyyyyy brucieeeee  
tonysnark - did you tell him  
tonysnark - did jya  
tonysnark - did jya  
tonysnark - ahhahahahahahasdahsajfgsjbnafbgj  
tonysnark - you better ave cuz im wit him and he should knowwwwww  
tonysnark - ahsjadhfiohusbakljghija

 

oh no  
redrobot - ????  
scarletbitch - Wanda Maximoff

Friday 8:03 pm

redrobot - heyyyy babyyyyy  
redrobot - heard about your new school  
redrobot - hope you arent having too much fun without me  
redrobot - ;)  
redrobot - i hope pietro is doing well  
redrobot - we should really hang out again  
redrobot - youre great company ;)

 

 

what's straight???  
tonysnark - Tony Stark  
deafkatniss - Clint Barton  
patrioticdoof - Steve Rodgers  
iwonthesitatebitch - Natasha Romanoff  
bossassbitch - Carol Danvers  
gimmebooze - Valkyrie  
onearmedbastard - Bucky Barnes  
poptartgod - Thor Odinson  
greengiant - Bruce Banner  
kingmeow - T'Challa  
flyingbastard - Sam Wilson  
rawritsloki - Loki Odinson  
memeyboy - Peter Parker  
wizardofthegay - Stephen Strange  
scarletbitch - Wanda Maximoff  
roadrunner - Pietro Maximoff

Friday 9:28 pm

roadrunner - GUYS  
roadrunner - GUYS  
roadrunner - WHERE IS WANDA  
roadrunner - HAS ANYONE SEEN HER  
roadrunner - GUYS  
tonysnark - ashyauhvsjbuayvbjakshdsubj  
gimmebooze - wanda told nat to fuck off like an hour ago when she asked if wanda was okay  
iwonthesitatebitch - I haven't seen her since she ran off.  
iwonthesitatebitch - She was very spacey and kinda just wasn't there.  
roadrunner - FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK  
iwonthesitatebitch - whats wrong  
roadrunner - her meds  
roadrunner - if she has too much alcohol she gets all  
roadrunner - basically she gets fucked in the head and cant make any decisions and kinda just goes very crazy and yeah and its bad and last time this happened she...  
roadrunner - I dont care how drunk you are we NEED to find her NOW  
iwonthesitatebitch - ill start riding my bike around to see if i can find her  
iwonthesitatebitch - And if I do find her I'll need someone to drive her home because I do not trust her on a motorcycle drunk and loopy.  
gimmebooze - im looking for her  
gimmebooze - i found footprints  
gimembooze - she isnt wearing shoes  
roadrunner - SHIT SHIT SHIT  
roadrunner - oh my god im so dead  
deafkatniss - hey dont worry youre really pretty and kinda little head we'll find her  
wizardofthegay - i am looking out the top floor windows but i dont see her. i would help more but tony is blackout drunk and he already drunk texted like 40 people so i have to keep a close eye on him.  
wizardofthegay - wait i do see what looks like it may have been a car crash  
wizardofthegay - its a few streets down but i dont think it involved wanda  
wizardofthegay - it looks like the police have almost cleared it up.  
gimmebooze - CAROL  
gimmebooze - ohmygodthatmayhavebeencarolohmygod  
gimmebooze - ohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygod  
flyingbastard - wait what  
gimmebooze - carol never showed up so i thought maybe something came up but what if she was in that accident oh my god what if shes dead oh my god  
poptartgod - Val, I am sure Carol is fine. She is tough I do not think she is dead. I promise she is not dead.  
gimmebooze - I hope youre right thor.  
flyingbastard - GUYS  
flyingbastard - I FOUND MORE FOOTPRINTS  
flyingbastard - they lead to the forest  
roadrunner - WAIT  
roadrunner - I KNOW WHERE SHES GOING  
roadrunner - oh shit  
roadrunner - Nat i need you to come with me. Get back here and ill drive and youll follow me on your bike.  
iwonthesitatebitch - okay but where is she going  
roadrunner - her exes  
roadrunner - long story short he fucked her up real bad and when he texts her she usually goes a little crazy and drinks a lot and fucks herself up and we need to find her now.  
iwonthesitatebitch - why do you need me?  
roadrunner - she knows and trusts you.

Friday 9:58 pm

scarletbitch - fukc

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh shit its drama  
> i fuckin hate myself for this whole chapter but i guess it might be worth it  
> also this story is about to pick up fast


	5. uh oh spaghet os

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> poptartgod - Also if anyone wants to join the football team we have room :)  
> rawritsloki - stfu thor with your athletic ass

**what's straight???**  
tonysnark - Tony Stark  
deafkatniss - Clint Barton  
patrioticdoof - Steve Rodgers  
iwonthesitatebitch - Natasha Romanoff  
bossassbitch - Carol Danvers  
gimmebooze - Valkyrie  
onearmedbastard - Bucky Barnes  
poptartgod - Thor Odinson  
greengiant - Bruce Banner  
kingmeow - T'Challa  
flyingbastard - Sam Wilson  
rawritsloki - Loki Odinson  
memeyboy - Peter Parker  
wizardofthegay - Stephen Strange  
scarletbitch - Wanda Maximoff  
roadrunner - Pietro Maximoff

_Friday 9:58 pm_

scarletbitch - fukc  
iwonthesitatebitch - wanda stay where you are pietro and i are on our way.  
scarletbitch - is too late  
roadrunner - sis, listen to me, do NOT go in there.

*ring... ring...*  
"Wanda?"  
"'es?"  
"Hey. Hey, it's me. Tasha. Don't move,"  
"'is too late. I'm 'ere,"  
"No no no no no,"  
"WANDA GET OFF THE DAMN PHONE!"  
*call ended*

"Pietro go faster. She's in trouble!"

_Friday 10:15 pm_

scarletbitch - help  
scarletbitch - pete  
scarletbitch - tasha  
scarletbitch - please  
scarletbitch - tasha  
iwonthesitatebitch - wands we're almost there hang on

 

 

*beep*  
This is Carol Danvers, if you are hearing this i didn't want to talk to you, I'm in trouble, or I'm with my girl. Please leave a message after the beep.  
*beeeeeep*  
"Carol please call me back. It's almost midnight and no one has heard from you. Please tell me you weren't in that crash. Please. I love you. I can't lose you. Not again,"  
*call ended*

 

 

 **what's straight???**  
tonysnark - Tony Stark  
deafkatniss - Clint Barton  
patrioticdoof - Steve Rodgers  
iwonthesitatebitch - Natasha Romanoff  
bossassbitch - Carol Danvers  
gimmebooze - Valkyrie  
onearmedbastard - Bucky Barnes  
poptartgod - Thor Odinson  
greengiant - Bruce Banner  
kingmeow - T'Challa  
flyingbastard - Sam Wilson  
rawritsloki - Loki Odinson  
memeyboy - Peter Parker  
wizardofthegay - Stephen Strange  
scarletbitch - Wanda Maximoff  
roadrunner - Pietro Maximoff

_Saturday 6:46 am_

roadrunner - guys we're all good we got wanda out of there and hopefully with a lot of sleep and some pain meds she will be fine.  
poptartgod - Thank the Gods I was incredibly worried.  
poptartgod - Speaking of which, Val did you find Carol?  
gimmebooze - Room 27  
poptartgod - What?  
gimmebooze - I found her all right. She was in that car crash. Only a broken leg though, she was very lucky.  
kingmeow - Oh my god.  
kingmeow - I'm sending flowers.  
scarletbitch - I'm so sorry Val.  
iwonthesitatebitch - Wands you need to be resting.  
scarletbitch - Can't sleep.  
iwonthesitatebitch - I'm coming over.  
wizardofthegay - #GAY #GAY #GAY #GAY #GAY #GAY  
tonysnark - i want to dead  
rawritsloki - mood  
rawritsloki - but also tony please watch who you text next time because oh my god  
tonysnark - oh god  
tonysnark - oh god I'm so sorry guys  
patrioticdoof - You should be Tony.  
tonysnark - steve i swear i didn't mean any of that i promise.  
patrioticdoof - I really hope so.  
patrioticdoof - Also Val I am so sorry about Carol, I'll probably swing by today or tomorrow.  
gimmebooze - she's okay and that's all i could hope for.

 

 **OPERATION GET NATASHA TO DATE WANDA FFS**  
deafkatniss - Clint Barton  
bossassbitch - Carol Danvers  
rawritsloki - Loki Odinson  
gimmebooze - Valkyrie  
roadrunner - Pietro Maximoff  
onearmedbastard - Bucky Barnes  
mercwithamouth - Wade Wilson

_Saturday 7:12 am_

roadrunner - (images x2)  
deafkatniss - are they... CUDDLING???  
roadrunner - yes  
roadrunner - can confirm Nat came over this morning to help Wanda get back to sleep and I went to check on them and they were like that.  
onearmedbastard - ohmygodthatsadorable  
gimmebooze - my mood is lifted  
gimmebooze - my otp  
rawritsloki - big mood  
rawritsloki - also im buying a gift for you Val because i feel bad about Carol.  
gimmebooze - you dont have to  
rawritsloki - i want to  
mercwithamouth - Loki??? Being Nice??? more likely than you think.  
deafkatniss - Wade you need to stop hanging out with Peter.  
mercwithamouth - Never  
deafkatniss - why do i even try???

 

 

 **Science Bros**  
greengiant - Bruce Banner  
tonysnark - Tony Stark

_Saturday 8:17 am_

tonysnark - so did you tell him???  
greengiant - No...  
tonysnark - that's it I'm telling him now  
greengiant - TONY I TRUSTED YOU NOT TO SAY ANYTHING AND IF YOU DO THIS I WILL NEVER TELL YOU ANYTHING AGAIN  
tonysnark - geez that's harsh  
tonysnark - even if you two ended up dating  
greengiant - even if  
tonysnark - fine i won't say anything  
tonysnark - BUT i am still mad you didn't man up and tell him.  
greengiant - boo hoo

 

**hopefully future siblings**  
roadrunner - Pietro Maximoff  
iwonthesitatebitch - Natasha Romanoff

_Saturday 10:12 am_

iwonthesitatebitch - Hey Pietro. Is Wanda okay? I accidentally like touched her arm at breakfast and she got all defensive and then asked me to leave. I left but idk if she's alright.  
roadrunner - I'll talk to her. She's probably just iffy from last night. It might take a few weeks but she'll be a bit better and hopefully recovered from this whole fiasco.  
iwonthesitatebitch - But if anything happens you'll let me know first?  
roadrunner - of course nat.  
iwonthesitatebitch - thanks

 

 

 **what's straight???**  
tonysnark - Tony Stark  
deafkatniss - Clint Barton  
patrioticdoof - Steve Rodgers  
iwonthesitatebitch - Natasha Romanoff  
bossassbitch - Carol Danvers  
gimmebooze - Valkyrie  
onearmedbastard - Bucky Barnes  
poptartgod - Thor Odinson  
greengiant - Bruce Banner  
kingmeow - T'Challa  
flyingbastard - Sam Wilson  
rawritsloki - Loki Odinson  
memeyboy - Peter Parker  
wizardofthegay - Stephen Strange  
scarletbitch - Wanda Maximoff  
roadrunner - Pietro Maximoff

_Saturday 11:23 am_

memeyboy - okay so I know maybe y'all didnt get off on the right feet but i want to introduce all of you to miles. i know he may have totaled your car clint and almost killed you sam but please give him a chance.  
memeyboy added milesformiles to what's straight???  
milesformiles - hey I know I kinda got off on the wrong foot with you guys cause I got really drunk but I wanted to apologize because I know I was being stupid I just had a tough week because one of my best friends just transferred schools and I haven't really been able to keep up with her and I'm just really sorry. Also, Val, I hope that Carol gets better.  
deafkatniss - as long as you pay for some of the damages to my car I think I'll be happy.  
flyingbastard - buy me lunch for a week.  
flyingbastard - and by that I mean not the crappy ass lunch they serve in the lunchroom I mean like real food.  
rawritsloki - real food lmaoooooo  
milesformiles - done and done.  
tonysnark - aren't you a sophomore??? how do you have that kind of money???  
milesformiles - oh I sell my artwork. I make a lot of money off of it.  
onearmedbastard - artwork??? what kind?  
milesformiles - (images x4)  
tonysnark - holy shit  
poptartgod - I WANT ONE CAN I BUY ONE  
gimmebooze - i showed Carol and she is in love with it.  
milesformiles - well I can give one to Carol because I don't want to charge cuz she's hurt. Thor you'd have to buy one. I could text you later with some options and their costs.  
poptartgod - PLEASE  
milesformiles - if anyone wants to check it out I can like set it up in my garage and y'all can come by at some point and check it out.  
tonysnark - yes  
poptartgod - Also if anyone wants to join the football team we have room :)  
rawritsloki - stfu thor with your athletic ass

 

 

 **Red Heads**  
scarletbitch - Wanda Maximoff  
iwonthesitatebitch - Natasha Romanov

_Saturday 11:45 am_

scarletbitch - hey Tasha I'm sorry about earlier being with Vis just kinda fucked me up yesterday.  
iwonthesitatebitch - Hey Wands it's alright. You don't have to apologize for doing something reasonable.  
scarletbitch - I don't?  
iwonthesitatebitch - Of course you don't.  
scarletbitch - oh  
scarletbitch - wanna come over and cuddle and watch a movie?  
iwonthesitatebitch - I'll be there in 10.  
scarletbitch :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading  
> hitting a bit of a writer's block but I think I'm getting to where I want to be  
> if you want any characters to show up them let me know, I might be able to fit them in somewhere.


	6. the rise of the gay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> gimmebooze - also T'Challa when you said you would send flowers I did not expect FORTY VASES OF FLOWERS in Carol's room!!!!  
> kingmeow - Well they always say go big or go home!  
> gimmebooze - also Loki don't even get me STARTED ON WHAT YOU SENT  
> rawritsloki - then dont start???

**captains**  
tonysnark - Tony Stark  
patrioticdoof - Steve Rogers

_Sunday 9:34 am_

tonysnark - steve how many goddamn times do I have to apologize before you forgive me  
patrioticdoof - Language.  
tonysnark - stfu and answer the damn question.  
patrioticdoof - Tony, you don't understand the seriousness of what you said. Yes, I know you were drunk as hell but you said you loved me.  
tonysnark - language  
patrioticdoof - dammit.  
tonysnark - LANGUAGE  
patrioticdoof - Ugh.  
tonysnark - also Steve I understand what I said wasn't okay but I promise that I am over you and being honest you and Bucky need to bone already.  
patrioticdoof - TONY  
tonysnark - I can hear you blushing through the phone  
patrioticdoof - I am going to kill you.  
tonysnark - I thought you were the golden boy? I didn't know you killed people.  
patrioticdoof - I am done with you Stark.  
tonysnark - :)  
patrioticdoof - >:(

 

 

 

 **what's straight???**  
tonysnark - Tony Stark  
deafkatniss - Clint Barton  
patrioticdoof - Steve Rodgers  
iwonthesitatebitch - Natasha Romanoff  
bossassbitch - Carol Danvers  
gimmebooze - Valkyrie  
onearmedbastard - Bucky Barnes  
poptartgod - Thor Odinson  
greengiant - Bruce Banner  
kingmeow - T'Challa  
flyingbastard - Sam Wilson  
rawritsloki - Loki Odinson  
memeyboy - Peter Parker  
wizardofthegay - Stephen Strange  
scarletbitch - Wanda Maximoff  
roadrunner - Pietro Maximoff  
milesformiles - Miles Morales

_Sunday 10:12 am_

bossassbitch - guys I am back and feeling pretty shitty but it's alright I'm alive  
gimmebooze - YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE ON BED REST GET OFF YOUR PHONE  
bossassbitch - oop gotta go before my girlfriend kills me :)  
memeyboy - if Val didn't take your phone already I'm glad your healing Carol.  
bossassbitch - thank you, Peter, you are so sweet.  
bossassbitch - I can hear Val stomping up the stairs  
flyingbastard - ooooh Carol's in troubleeeeee  
bossassbitch - I love you guys be shes about to take me phonuayvstidgjfbijk  
gimmebooze - okay she's gonna sleep now.  
iwonthesitatebitch - That sounds vaguely like a threat.  
iwonthesitatebitch - Is that a threat?  
gimmebooze - no it's a promise  
rawritsloki - not to be rude or anything but it lowkey sounds like they're about to fuck  
roadrunner - agree level 1000

_Sunday 10:25 am_

deafkatniss - well since neither has responded I'm just gonna assume they fucked.  
iwonthesitatebitch - CLINT  
deafkatniss - what??? it's a plausible conclusion.  
gimmebooze - we did NOT fuck  
gimmebooze - she is asleep  
gimmebooze - also T'Challa when you said you would send flowers I did not expect FORTY VASES OF FLOWERS in Carol's room!!!!  
kingmeow - Well they always say go big or go home!  
gimmebooze - also Loki don't even get me STARTED ON WHAT YOU SENT  
rawritsloki - then dont start???  
gimmebooze - I won't.  
gimmebooze - also steve Carol really enjoyed the visit yesterday and the chocolates which were gone in like 10 minutes.  
patrioticdoof - Well, when Buck was in the hospital after he lost his arm he always complained about the food so I figured Carol would hate it too.  
memeyboy - what a wholesome man  
gimmebooze - also miles Carol loves the painting she actually cried when I showed it to her  
milesformiles - really???  
gimmebooze - yes!!! she loves it!!!  
flyingbastard - what's it of?  
milesformiles - It's of Carol and Val sitting at a table holding hands  
gimmebooze - it was our first date  
onearmedbastard - that's so adorable!!!  
gimmebooze - I know right! I asked him to do it and he just smiled and next thing I knew I brought the painting to Carol and she cried.

 

 

 **hopefully future siblings**  
roadrunner - Pietro Maximoff  
iwonthesitatebitch - Natasha Romanoff

_Sunday 11:11 am_

roadrunner - Nat you need to get over to Wanda right now she's having a panic attack and I'm at the store and I can't get there in time  
iwonthesitatebitch - I'm heading over.  
roadrunner - honestly it's no wonder you guys are such good friends you care so much about her  
roadrunner - thank you i think she's in her room just run in I don't think our uncle is home.  
iwonthesitatebitch - Thank you? You're so kind?  
roadrunner - just shut up and get to Wanda

 

 

 

 **sibling cult**  
helasinhell - Hela Odinson  
poptartgod - Thor Odinson  
rawritsloki - Loki Odinson

_Sunday 11:34 am_

poptartgod - My siblings, I have an issue.  
rawritsloki - not again  
rawritsloki - did your pop tarts get stuck  
poptartgod - NO!  
helasinhell - geez no need to be rude  
poptartgod - I just. Uh.  
rawritsloki - spit it out thor i dont have all day  
poptartgod - brucejustaskedmeoutandidontknowwhattosay  
rawritsloki - say yes???  
helasinhell - geez thor you've been crushing on him hard just say one fucking word  
poptartgod - okay  
poptartgod - OKAY WE ARE GOING ON A DATE WEDNESDAY AND I CANNOT WAIT I WANT TO HUG YOU GUYS I'M GOING TO HUG YOU GUYS.  
rawritsloki - oh no no no  
rawritsloki - I'm going to a friends house I do not want a thor hug.  
poptartgod - No you are not we are going to hug and you are going to enjoy it.

 

 

 

 **Science Bros**  
greengiant - Bruce Banner  
tonysnark - Tony Stark

_Sunday 11:45 am_

greengiant - I ASKED THOR OUT  
greengiant - HE SAID YES  
greengiant - ahusbdkafvdyskugavgkjhhfgbhdaskj  
tonysnark - oh my god my little boy has become a man  
tonysnark - Bruce I'm so proud when is the date  
greengiant - Wednesday.  
greengiant - OH MY GOD I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO WEAR! WHERE AM I GONNA TAKE HIM OH MY GOD I DIDN'T THINK ABOUT THIS!!!  
tonysnark - calm down bitch and just breathe  
tonysnark - take him to like dinner or somewhere you think you'll both enjoy  
tonysnark - like an arcade or something  
greengiant - genius  
tonysnark - why thank you, kind sir  
greengiant - oh no I stroked your ego I am never gonna live this down  
tonysnark - >:)

 

 

 

 **hopefully future siblings**  
roadrunner - Pietro Maximoff  
iwonthesitatebitch - Natasha Romanoff

_Sunday 11:53 am_

roadrunner - is wanda okay? I still have 3 errands to run so I won't be back soon sorry.  
iwonthesitatebitch - I think she's okay. I calmed her down and we ate ice cream and started watching Moana but she fell asleep and is now cuddling into me.  
iwonthesitatebitch - ashuisaldvaskhfvsa she just wrapped her arms around me help  
roadrunner - on second thought I have 10 more errands to run be back in a few hours.  
iwonthesitatebitch - asjuhdbfahsubhdkfsd bitch

 

 

 **third and fourth wheels**  
deafkatniss - Clint Barton  
roadrunner - Pietro Maximoff

_Sunday 12:01 pm_

roadrunner - hey do you wanna hang out? Wanda and Nat are cuddling on the couch at my house and I wanna let them be.  
deafkatniss - yes, as long as we do something dumb  
roadrunner - how dumb?  
deafkatniss - not dumb enough to get arrested but dumb enough to get Nat and Wanda mad at us  
roadrunner - let's go  
roadrunner - why don't we see who can do the stupidest thing without getting arrested  
deafkatniss - hell yeah. you're on  
roadrunner - Wanda is so gonna kill me  
deafkatniss - just don't get caught ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay i wrote this in like an hour i hope its okay thanks for reading  
> also the feedback on this is so positive and asahddjsagjsd it makes me happy you guys are enjoying this  
> i hope you continue reading  
> my tumblr is just-fucking-gay


	7. back at it again with the blind gays

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wizardofthegay - I sense anger.  
> scarletbitch - PIETRO DID WHAT  
> scarletbitch - HE IS SO FUCKING DEAD  
> wizardofthegay - Whoop there it is.

**what's straight???**  
tonysnark - Tony Stark  
deafkatniss - Clint Barton  
patrioticdoof - Steve Rodgers  
iwonthesitatebitch - Natasha Romanoff  
bossassbitch - Carol Danvers  
gimmebooze - Valkyrie  
onearmedbastard - Bucky Barnes  
poptartgod - Thor Odinson  
greengiant - Bruce Banner  
kingmeow - T'Challa  
flyingbastard - Sam Wilson  
rawritsloki - Loki Odinson  
memeyboy - Peter Parker  
wizardofthegay - Stephen Strange  
scarletbitch - Wanda Maximoff  
roadrunner - Pietro Maximoff  
milesformiles - Miles Morales

_Monday 4:20 am_

iwonthesitatebitch - words cannot describe how mad i am right now  
rawritsloki - it's 4 am why tf are you up b  
iwonthesitatebitch - Because I just got a call from Clint and Pietro who are locked up in jail for FUCKING EGGING A POLICE CAR AND THEN RUNNING INTO A TREE TRYING TO ESCAPE.  
iwonthesitatebitch - ALSO THEY ARE DRUNK AS FUCK  
tonysnark - is there a video?  
iwonthesitatebitch - Yes and it's funny but I DO NOT HAVE THE MONEY TO BAIL THESE MOTHERFUCKERS OUT  
milesformiles - I can help  
tonysnark - also Nat I can help too  
iwonthesitatebitch - Thanks, guys. Those two will have to pay you back.  
tonysnark - I hope the fuck they do  
wizardofthegay - I sense anger.  
scarletbitch - PIETRO DID WHAT  
scarletbitch - HE IS SO FUCKING DEAD  
wizardofthegay - Whoop there it is.  
scarletbitch - YEAH NO SHIT SHERLOCK MY BROTHER JUST FUCKING GOT ARRESTED  
memeyboy - side note Strange but has anyone told you that you look like Sherlock from the tv series?  
wizardofthegay - Yes.  
wizardofthegay - Every fucking day.  
flyingbastard - big rip

_Monday 7:18 am_

flyingbastard - also T'Challa just ordered more flowers for Carol.  
kingmeow - SAMUEL  
kingmeow - That was supposed to be a secret.  
memeyboy - why were you two hanging out?  
kingmeow - We are friends.  
rawritsloki - since when???  
onearmedbastard - Yeah like 4 months ago Sam was complaining about T'Challa being too damn royal  
flyingbastard - since like 2 months ago bitch  
memeyboy - I cooked 5 burgers and ate them today nobody can stop me hngngggg  
tonysnark - don't worry about him he's sick so he's really loopy.  
tonysnark - wait FIVE?????  
memeyboy - oop now it's six  
memeyboy - saucy  
rawritsloki - I say this with love Peter, but what the fuck  
memeyboy - hnnnnnngggggg i lov burger  
bossassbitch - god this is hilarious  
memeyboy - i also lov carol  
bossassbitch - thanks Pete  
memeyboy changed bossassbitch's name to bossassbutch  
memeyboy - :)  
gimmebooze - this kid is a damn genius.  
tonysnark - yeah even when he's loopy and sick as fuck  
tonysnark - this is why Peter doesn't drink  
tonysnark - I swear the kid gets hungover and sick for 4 days it's insane.

 

 

 

 **sad cult**  
iwonthesitatebitch - Natasha Romanoff  
deafkatniss - Clint Barton

_Monday 8:12 am_

deafkatniss - thanks for picking us up  
deafkatniss - do you have any advil in your house  
deafkatniss - or vodka  
iwonthesitatebitch - Stfu and go to sleep bitch.  
deafkatniss - but it hurts Nat...  
iwonthesitatebitch - Sorry can't help you I have class bye.  
deafkatniss - I found vodka  
iwonthesitatebitch - NO PUT THAT BACK  
deafkatniss - fine.  
iwonthesitatebitch - Now go to sleep.

 

 

 

 

 **OPERATION GET NATASHA TO DATE WANDA FFS**  
deafkatniss - Clint Barton  
bossassbutch - Carol Danvers  
rawritsloki - Loki Odinson  
gimmebooze - Valkyrie  
roadrunner - Pietro Maximoff  
onearmedbastard - Bucky Barnes  
mercwithamouth - Wade Wilson

_Monday 9:15 am_

roadrunner - lowkey what Clint and I did was so worth it because Nat and Wanda were so mad  
deafkatniss - the theory was we wouldn't get caught  
mercwithamouth - well now they have something to talk about  
roadrunner - they already have plenty to talk about.  
roadrunner - trust me.  
rawritsloki - is that an innuendo or just a fact  
deafkatniss - i don't know why don't you come over and find out.  
roadrunner - cLInT nO  
deafkatniss - cLiNt YeS  
rawritsloki - sorry Clint i don't like you like that  
deafkatniss - it's fine I've got my eye on someone else ;)  
gimmebooze - stfu its too early go sleep you hungover and stupid fuck  
roadrunner - this is not because you told me to sleep

 

 

 

 **hopefully future siblings**  
roadrunner - Pietro Maximoff  
iwonthesitatebitch - Natasha Romanoff

_Monday 10:11 am_

roadrunner - on a scale of one to ten how mad is Wanda at me  
iwonthesitatebitch - right now it's probably a 5 but if I bring you it'll be probably a twenty.  
roadrunner - well could you put in a good word for me  
roadrunner - it was Clint's idea  
iwonthesitatebitch - Yeah BUT YOU STILL AGREED TO DO IT  
roadrunner - yeah but  
roadrunner - to be fair we only did it because you and Wanda were busy and I didn't want to interrupt you.  
iwonthesitatebitch - Don't you dare to try to blame this on me or Wanda.  
iwonthesitatebitch - It's your fault.  
roadrunner - Just ask her out already.  
iwonthesitatebitch - Don't change the subject.  
iwonthesitatebitch - Wait, what?  
roadrunner - Grow a pair and ask Wanda out already.  
iwonthesitatebitch - She doesn't like me Pietro.  
iwonthesitatebitch - Also she's still recovering I'm not going to mess that up.  
roadrunner - okay whatever.

 

 

 

 **OPERATION GET NATASHA TO DATE WANDA FFS**  
deafkatniss - Clint Barton  
bossassbutch - Carol Danvers  
rawritsloki - Loki Odinson  
gimmebooze - Valkyrie  
roadrunner - Pietro Maximoff  
onearmedbastard - Bucky Barnes  
mercwithamouth - Wade Wilson

_Monday 10:35 am_

roadrunner - (Screenshot x1)  
onearmedbastard - Is she that blind?  
gimmebooze - oh my god ever i'm not that damn blind.  
deafkatniss - honestly Nat is all but in love with Wanda  
roadrunner - Wanda is the same with Nat.  
bossassbutch - but they're like all other lesbians  
gimmebooze - dumb, blind, or a mess?  
bossassbutch - Yes.  
roadrunner - pretty much.  
deafkatniss - Nat has never acted like this before and honestly if they don't bone soon I might throw up cuz they're so blind  
onearmedbastard - I'd give my left arm for them to date  
rawritsloki - goddammit Bucky.  
_mercwithamouth added memeyboy to_ **OPERATION GET NATASHA TO DATE WANDA FFS**  
memeyboy - okay sorry for making Wade add me but I was reading off his phone an I got tired of it so  
memeyboy - also I'm so glad I'm not the only one who's noticed the tension  
deafkatniss - right??? just fucking bone already Jesus  
roadrunner - normally I wouldn't say this because it's my sister but I agree

 

 

 

 

 **brains and brawn**  
poptartgod - Thor Odinson  
greengiant - Bruce Banner

_Monday 11:11 am_

poptartgod - Let's eat lunch together.  
poptartgod - Meet me outside? We can sit somewhere and eat in the courtyard.  
greengiant - Sure! :) I'll see you then.  
poptartgod - Actually what's your last class before lunch?  
poptartgod - I can pick you up from there.  
greengiant - No you don't need to Thor.  
poptartgod - But I want to.  
greengiant - Fine. It's Chemistry.  
poptartgod - :) I'll see you after then.  
greengiant - Okay :)

 

 

 

 

 **MeMe LoRdEs**  
memeyboy - Peter Parker  
ishurihopeitdoes - Shuri  
mercwithamouth - Wade Wilson  
lochnedmonster - Ned  
dontfuckwithme - MJ

_Monday 11:45 am_

memeyboy - Wade why did you go back to schooool  
memeyboy - I'm boreeeeed  
memeyboy - I want more burger  
memeyboy - I will make more burger  
ishurihopeitdoes - Peter was this meant for the group chat or just Wade  
memeyboy - Oh.  
memeyboy - well since you're here hows school  
ishurihopeitdoes - boring  
ishurihopeitdoes - Never leave me again.  
ishurihopeitdoes - I don't have anyone to blow anything up with now.  
memeyboy - hold on  
_memeyboy added milesformiles to_ **MeMe LoRdEs**  
memeyboy - there  
memeyboy - it's miles  
memeyboy - he'll blow shit up w you  
ishurihopeitdoes - Really???  
milesformiles - hell yeah  
ishurihopeitdoes - :)  
dontfuckwithme - Wade is busy but he told me to no more burger for you Pete  
memeyboy - :(  
dontfuckwithme - but he says when school is over he'll be back over.  
memeyboy - :)  
dontfuckwithme - also I met Gwen today and honestly h o t  
ishurihopeitdoes - uhm???  
ishurihopeitdoes - offended  
dontfuckwithme - not as hot as you babe ;)  
memeyboy - wait  
memeyboy - BABE???  
mercwithamouth - I am confusion.  
mercwithamouth - AMERICA EXPLAIN  
ishurihopeitdoes - oh yeah hahaha  
dontfuckwithme - we're dating  
dontfuckwithme - also I'm bi if you didn't know  
ishurihopeitdoes - also I'm a lesbian  
lochnedmonster - I thought you were american  
memeyboy - Ned did you know???  
lochnedmonster - yeah I walked in on them making out once.  
lochnedmonster - actually twice but who's counting haha  
lochnedmonster - it's a wonder how they kept this a secret for so long lmao.  
memeyboy - how long has this been going on  
ishurihopeitdoes - like 4 months  
memeyboy - how am I so blind????  
dontfuckwithme - Idk cuz you have no gaydar  
memeyboy - shut up  
dontfuckwithme - hahaha no thanks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes I changed MJ's name sue me  
> (please don't I don't have money)  
> thanks for reading this chapter took me like an hour but it was worth it lmao  
> I love Pietro and Clint doing stupid shit together so expect more lmao  
> Also, we love a few blind gays


	8. uhm lots of problems

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> iwonthesitatebitch - But she doesn't like me like that and I'm not really even sure she's a lesbian and  
> deafkatniss - bro wtf she told you she was a lesbian are you dumb  
> iwonthesitatebitch - Oh fuck.  
> iwonthesitatebitch - Yeah she did.  
> rawritsloki - you put the big dumb in lesbian

_redrobot created a chat._   
_redrobot added iwonthesitatebitch_

_Monday 11:45 pm_

redrobot - are you Natasha Romanoff  
iwonthesitatebitch - That depends.  
iwonthesitatebitch - Who's asking?  
redrobot - An old friend of Wanda's  
redrobot - I heard you were interested in her.  
redrobot - I'm here to tell you that you need to back off.  
redrobot - because she is mine.  
redrobot - She will always come back to me.  
redrobot - She'll never love you like she loves me.  
iwonthesitatebitch - You're Vis.  
iwonthesitatebitch - And I know for a fact that she has never loved you.  
iwonthesitatebitch - You fucked her up and I know that you're just a manipulative little bitch.  
redrobot - I wouldn't be so sure.  
redrobot - Just back off of her.  
iwonthesitatebitch - Blocked and Reported.

 

 

 

**hopefully future siblings**  
roadrunner - Pietro Maximoff  
iwonthesitatebitch - Natasha Romanoff

T _uesday 12:15 am_

iwonthesitatebitch - (Screenshot x2)  
iwonthesitatebitch - Pietro what do I do  
roadrunner - oh shit  
roadrunner - uhhhhhhh  
roadrunner - ignore him as best you can  
roadrunner - He is a pathological liar and he just wants Wanda back.  
iwonthesitatebitch - I assume I shouldn't tell Wanda  
roadrunner - Whatever you do, DO NOT tell Wanda  
roadrunner - she'll freak.  
roadrunner - she'll run away again and she'll get in big trouble.  
roadrunner - please don't tell her.  
iwonthesitatebitch - I wasn't planning on it.  
iwonthesitatebitch - Wait, AGAIN????  
roadrunner - uhhhh look at the time I gotta blast.  
iwonthesitatebitch - PIETRO  
roadrunner - goodnight Nat I'll talk to you later.  
roadrunner logged off  
iwonthesitatebitch - Pietro you are so going to explain this later.

 

 

 

 

**what's straight???**  
tonysnark - Tony Stark  
deafkatniss - Clint Barton  
patrioticdoof - Steve Rodgers  
iwonthesitatebitch - Natasha Romanoff  
bossassbutch - Carol Danvers  
gimmebooze - Valkyrie  
onearmedbastard - Bucky Barnes  
poptartgod - Thor Odinson  
greengiant - Bruce Banner  
kingmeow - T'Challa  
flyingbastard - Sam Wilson  
rawritsloki - Loki Odinson  
memeyboy - Peter Parker  
wizardofthegay - Stephen Strange  
scarletbitch - Wanda Maximoff  
roadrunner - Pietro Maximoff  
milesformiles - Miles Morales

_Tuesday 6:49 am_

onearmedbastard - guys  
onearmedbastard - We have an issue.  
rawritsloki - We??? i am not part of your issue.  
patrioticdoof - Bucky, what did you do?  
onearmedbastard - I lost my arm.  
patrioticdoof - YOU WHAT  
patrioticdoof - Bucky that arm was so expensive. How do you lose it? Did you take it off for no reason? I can't believe you did this again. You know we don't have the money to replace it. You better find it before someone else does.  
gimmebooze - i'm too sober for this  
bossassbutch - me too  
onearmedbastard - me three  
patrioticdoof - No Bucky, you cannot drink. You have to find your damn arm before it's gone forever.  
tonysnark - Language!  
patrioticdoof - LaNgUaGe  
deafkatniss - (spongebob.png)  
kingmeow - Bucky, I am afraid you left the arm in Shuri's hands. She has been upgrading it all night. I had to stop her from adding blasters to it.  
memeyboy - oh yeah! that reminds me.  
_memeyboy added dontfuckwithme and ishurihopeitdoes to_ **what's straight???**  
memeyboy - these are my other friends  
memeyboy - they're dating.  
kingmeow - Shuri is WHAT.  
ishurihopeitdoes - uh Pete  
ishurihopeitdoes - I think I forgot to mention that T'Challa doesn't know.  
memeyboy - oop  
onearmedbastard - Shuri can you please bring my arm to school  
ishurihopeitdoes - yeah unless my brother kills me first.  
kingmeow - SHURI YOU ARE SO DEAD WHEN I FIND YOU  
ishurihopeitdoes - gotta blast.

 

 

 

**Scary Bitches Unite**  
iwonthesitatebitch - Natasha Romanoff  
rawritsloki - Loki Odinson  
onearmedbastard - Bucky Barnes  
helasinhell - Hela Odinson  
deafkatniss - Clint Barton  
mercwithamouth - Wade Wilson

_Tuesday 7:45 am_

iwonthesitatebitch - y'all I'm fucked.  
helasinhell - is this about Wanda?  
helasinhell - I feel like this is about Wanda.  
deafkatniss - it's always about Wanda.  
iwonthesitatebitch - Yeah.  
iwonthesitatebitch - Kind of.  
rawritsloki - spill the tea sis  
iwonthesitatebitch - Her ex just threatened me and I had to block him and now I can't tell Wanda but I want to tell her but Pietro said if I do she'll run away. Also, I like her a lot but she doesn't like me back and hnnnnngngngngngg she's in my first class.  
iwonthesitatebitch - also hottttttt  
helasinhell - mood  
deafkatniss - Oh my god Nat just ask her out Jesus.  
iwonthesitatebitch - But she doesn't like me like that and I'm not really even sure she's a lesbian and  
deafkatniss - bro wtf she told you she was a lesbian are you dumb  
iwonthesitatebitch - Oh fuck.  
iwonthesitatebitch - Yeah she did.  
rawritsloki - you put the big dumb in lesbian  
mercwithamouth - sometimes I think you're dumber than Peter.  
onearmedbastard - Wait...  
onearmedbastard - Her ex THREATENED YOU????  
onearmedbastard - what's his number lemme beat him up  
deafkatniss - shit i skipped over that part wtf  
helasinhell - isn't that where she went at Vals party  
iwonthesitatebitch - Yeah  
iwonthesitatebitch - Also side note but what is going on with your brother and Bruce?  
helasinhell - uhhhhhhh  
rawritsloki - SMOKE SCREEN  
rawritsloki and helasinhell have logged off  
mercwithamouth - f  
deafkatniss - f  
onearmedbastard - f  
iwonthesitatebitch - You know what fuck you guys  
iwonthesitatebitch has logged off.

 

 

 

 

**OPERATION GET NATASHA TO DATE WANDA FFS**  
deafkatniss - Clint Barton  
bossassbutch - Carol Danvers  
rawritsloki - Loki Odinson  
gimmebooze - Valkyrie  
roadrunner - Pietro Maximoff  
onearmedbastard - Bucky Barnes  
mercwithamouth - Wade Wilson  
memeyboy - Peter Parker

_Tuesday 10:14 am_

deafkatniss - today Nat forgot that Wanda told her she was a lesbian  
onearmedbastard - Yeah that was an interesting conversation.  
mercwithamouth - as loki said it she 'puts the big dumb in lesbian'  
rawritsloki - and as Wade said it 'sometimes I think she's dumber than Peter'  
memeyboy - I don't know if I'm supposed to be offended but agree  
gimmebooze - agree  
bossassbutch - big agree  
roadrunner - this does not leave this group chat but Wanda's ex is back and causing a lot of trouble for Nat so be warned  
memeyboy - warned about what  
roadrunner - he will stop at nothing to get what he wants  
roadrunner - he is probably a big cause for her anxiety and he is a pathological lying rich bastard who literally just threatened Nat  
roadrunner - also DO NOT tell Wanda Vis threatened Nat because she will freak  
memeyboy - Wanda has anxiety too???  
roadrunner - yeah  
memeyboy - cool  
bossassbutch - is it okay if Val and I go beat him up  
gimmebooze - uhm??? your leg is broken it's just me sorry babe.  
bossassbutch - >:(  
onearmedbastard - can I join you???  
rawritsloki - me too  
rawritsloki - I need to do something evil again.  
rawritsloki - >:)  
roadrunner - yeah beat him up just don't get caught  
bossassbutch - okay if you wanna join just let me know and I'll make a gc  
memeyboy - I would but i'm a lil weak boy who needs a nap.

 

_bossassbutch created a group chat._  
 _bossassbutch added onearmedbastard, gimmebooze, mercwithamouth, deafkatniss, rawritsloki, and roadrunner._  
 _bossassbutch renamed the chat to_ **OPERATION BEAT THE FUCK OUT OF VIS**

_Tuesday 12:12 pm_

bossassbutch - okay so add anyone you want but this needs to happen  
bossassbutch - I mean sure it's probably not legal but Vis is a bitch and we gotta give him what he deserves  
bossassbutch - for hurting lil baby Wanda.  
rawritsloki - where do we start?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading y'all  
> 180 kudos??? that's a lot of kudos Jesus  
> also over 3000 hits, that's a lot  
> I hope you enjoyed this shitshow  
> (it may be a shitshow but it's my shitshow)  
> (If you get that reference I love you 3000)


	9. bready to beat down

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ayyyyyy fight plan time :)  
> deafkatniss - wait how did Wade say something in this chat he isn't even in here  
> memeyboy - shit you right  
> tonysnark - godammit Wade  
> mercwithamouth - :)

**OPERATION BEAT THE FUCK OUT OF VIS**  
bossassbutch - Carol Danvers  
onearmedbastard - Bucky Barnes  
gimmebooze - Valkyrie  
mercwithamouth - Wade Wilson  
deafkatniss - Clint Barton  
rawritsloki - Loki Odinson  
roadrunner - Pietro Maximoff

_Tuesday 12:14 am_

rawritsloki - where do we start?  
roadrunner - first things first...  
roadrunner - does anyone have anyone else who wants to be a part of this.  
_deafkatniss added iwonthesitatebitch to_ **OPERATION BEAT THE FUCK OUT OF VIS**  
iwonthesitatebitch - What is this?  
deafkatniss - read the name of the chat Jesus  
iwonthesitatebitch - I'm sorry... What?  
roadrunner - so basically what we're saying is  
rawritsloki - ah fuck  
bossassbutch - I can't believe you've done this.  
roadrunner - okay but seriously we are gonna beat up Vis.  
iwonthesitatebitch - And I would want to be a part of this why???  
bossassbutch - Well he threatened you and your girlfriend Wanda and we figured that you would want to join in beating him up  
iwonthesitatebitch - She's not my girlfriend Carol.  
bossassbutch - could've fooled me.  
rawritsloki - anyway uh when do y'all want this to go down.  
roadrunner - tomorrow would be fine.  
iwonthesitatebitch - I tutor Wanda tomorrow.  
roadrunner - I know.  
iwonthesitatebitch - What if I did want to join?  
roadrunner - well I need you to keep Wanda busy because our father is visiting us soon and Wanda doesn't know because he wanted to surprise her  
iwonthesitatebitch - Fine. But you better beat Vis real good.  
gimmebooze - of course we will.  
iwonthesitatebitch - Okay. Don't fuck this up.  
roadrunner - we won't.

 

 

 

 

**what's straight???**  
tonysnark - Tony Stark  
deafkatniss - Clint Barton  
patrioticdoof - Steve Rogers  
iwonthesitatebitch - Natasha Romanoff  
bossassbutch - Carol Danvers  
gimmebooze - Valkyrie  
onearmedbastard - Bucky Barnes  
poptartgod - Thor Odinson  
greengiant - Bruce Banner  
kingmeow - T'Challa  
flyingbastard - Sam Wilson  
rawritsloki - Loki Odinson  
memeyboy - Peter Parker  
wizardofthegay - Stephen Strange  
scarletbitch - Wanda Maximoff  
roadrunner - Pietro Maximoff  
milesformiles - Miles Morales  
dontfuckwithme - Michelle Jones  
ishurihopeitdoes - Shuri

_Tuesday 1:24 pm_

scarletbitch - Why is everyone looking at me like I'm made of fucking glass  
scarletbitch - Like who said something like I was mad or whatever cause I'm not and it's really fucking weird.  
onearmedbastard - My bets on Tony.  
onearmedbastard - I don't know what he did but it's probably his fault  
tonysnark - uhm??? i didn't do anything thank you very much  
scarletbitch - Then who did?  
scarletbitch - Because I am tired of everyone looking at me like I'm some fragile little thing that's about to explode.  
iwonthesitatebitch - Wanda what's wrong  
scarletbitch - Wouldn't you like to know shady bitch?  
deafkatniss - where is your brother  
scarletbitch - idk but honestly idc  
iwonthesitatebitch - Who are you and what have you done to my lil baby Wanda  
bossassbutch - *squeals in gay*  
gimmebooze - rt  
deafkatniss - rt  
milesformiles - rt  
memeyboy - rt  
mercwithamouth - rt  
roadrunner - godammit wanda you have to be shitting me  
scarletbitch - nah  
roadrunner - you fucker i swear  
roadrunner - if he texted you again I will fucking block him for you  
roadrunner - what did he say  
scarletbitch - well it's not important  
roadrunner - it is if it's causing you to do this again  
_roadrunner and scarletbitch logged off_  
deafkatniss - uhhhhh  
iwonthesitatebitch - Guys???  
rawritsloki - change of plans  
rawritsloki - Operation starts tonight  
rawritsloki - get ready  
rawritsloki - nat you can join us now  
memeyboy - uh???  
rawritsloki - shit wrong chat  
tonysnark - what operation???  
ishurihopeitdoes - America explain  
deafkatniss - wait how did Wade say something in this chat he isn't even in here  
memeyboy - shit you right  
tonysnark - godammit Wade  
mercwithamouth - :)

 

 

 

**OPERATION BEAT THE FUCK OUT OF VIS**  
bossassbutch - Carol Danvers  
onearmedbastard - Bucky Barnes  
gimmebooze - Valkyrie  
mercwithamouth - Wade Wilson  
deafkatniss - Clint Barton  
rawritsloki - Loki Odinson  
roadrunner - Pietro Maximoff  
iwonthesitatebitch - Natasha Romanoff

_Tuesday 4:20 pm_

iwonthesitatebitch - Who's driving us there?  
rawritsloki - Hela is letting me borrow her van so I can take all of us.  
rawritsloki - although some people might not get actual seats you might be stuck on the floor.  
deafkatniss - CAN I RIDE ON THE ROOF???  
iwonthesitatebitch - CLINT NO  
deafkatniss - CLINT YESH  
iwonthesitatebitch - You know what? Fuck it ride on the damn roof Clint I'm not visiting you in the hospital.  
deafkatniss - :(  
bossassbutch - anyway we all agree that Nat gets the first punch  
roadrunner - and I get second.  
rawritsloki - sounds good. Then we can all go ham right  
mercwithamouth - wait before we get into the van  
gimmebooze - what wade?  
mercwithamouth - *walks into room and whips*  
onearmedbastard - ANYWAYS I think we are all good  
rawritsloki - remember: we aren't going to kill him and we aren't getting arrested okay  
deafkatniss - yeah jail sucks  
roadrunner - rt  
iwonthesitatebitch - YOU WERE THERE FOR LITERALLY 2 HOURS  
deafkatniss - so???  
iwonthesitatebitch - Nevermind.  
roadrunner - that's what i thought bitch  
iwonthesitatebitch - take that back  
roadrunner - or what  
iwonthesitatebitch - I won't ask Wanda out  
roadrunner - fine  
deafkatniss - Wait... YOU WERE ACTUALLY GONNA ASK HER OUT.  
iwonthesitatebitch - uhhhhh  
iwonthesitatebitch - penis  
_iwonthesitatebitch logged off_  
deafkatniss - uhhhhh

 

 

 

**OPERATION GET NATASHA TO DATE WANDA FFS**  
deafkatniss - Clint Barton  
bossassbutch - Carol Danvers  
rawritsloki - Loki Odinson  
gimmebooze - Valkyrie  
roadrunner - Pietro Maximoff  
onearmedbastard - Bucky Barnes  
mercwithamouth - Wade Wilson  
memeyboy - Peter Parker

_Tuesday 4:38 pm_

bossassbutch - (Screenshots x2)  
bossassbutch - y'allllllll  
memeyboy - wtf  
memeyboy - GODAMMIT PIETRO  
roadrunner - HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW  
memeyboy - you just don't say that!!!  
roadrunner - but  
memeyboy - you ruined the literally one good thing that could have happened today bitch shut up  
mercwithamouth - watch your mouth, Peter.  
memeyboy - no  
mercwithamouth - can't argue with that  
gimmebooze - everyone who thinks pietro should shut his trap say I  
bossassbutch - I  
onearmedbastard - I  
memeyboy - I  
mercwithamouth - I  
deafkatniss - I  
rawritsloki - I  
roadrunner - I give up


	10. does wanda and natasha in love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thehotmess - Wanda?  
> thehotmess - As in Wanda Maximoff?  
> testosterone - oh I know her  
> testosterone - she's in my calc class  
> testosterone - she sits next to Natasha  
> testosterone - 99% sure they're in love  
> (yes there are new characters)

**Chaos Twins**  
scarletbitch - Wanda Maximoff  
roadrunner - Pietro Maximoff

_Friday 8:10 am_

roadrunner - remember you are studying with Nat today  
scarletbitch - I've never forgotten before why are you reminding me now.  
roadrunner - idk i think Nat wanted to talk to you about something so she told me to remind you not to forget.  
scarletbitch - Okay??? Uhhhhhh what did she want to talk about?  
roadrunner - None of my business  
_roadrunner logged off_  
scarletbitch - *gay panic*

 

 

 

 

 **OPERATION GET NATASHA TO DATE WANDA FFS**  
deafkatniss - Clint Barton  
bossassbutch - Carol Danvers  
rawritsloki - Loki Odinson  
gimmebooze - Valkyrie  
roadrunner - Pietro Maximoff  
onearmedbastard - Bucky Barnes  
mercwithamouth - Wade Wilson  
memeyboy - Peter Parker

_Friday 8:27 am_

roadrunner - (Screenshot x1)  
bossassbutch - gay panic??? love it.  
onearmedbastard - wait how'd you get that if you logged off  
roadrunner - you'd have to thank wade  
mercwithamouth - :)  
deafkatniss - what the fuck wade  
deafkatniss - also nat never said anything about this and I'm sure she would have  
roadrunner - yeah I lied I just needed her out of the house.  
deafkatniss - why?  
deafkatniss - btw I told nat what you did and now she's a lil mad.  
roadrunner - I could care less about that  
roadrunner - our father is visiting and I was going to surprise Wanda with it because she doesn't know.

 

 

 

 

 **scott isn't allowed to name this group anymore**  
worldsgreatestgrandma - Scott Lang  
thisonetime - Luis  
xgamesmode - Hope Van Dyne  
testosterone - Maria Hill  
thehotmess - Pepper Potts

_Friday 11:35 am_

worldsgreatestgrandma - Did y'all hear about that Vis guy a few towns over?  
thisonetime - Who?  
thisonetime - Because I used to know this one who went by Ultron. Weird name I know. And he had this friend who called himself Vis. Vis was like this terrible dude who dated this girl named Wanda who then was like 'I wanna break up' and he was all like 'we're not breaking up' and they broke up and Vis liked stalked her and then she moved with her brother to somewhere closer to here and like he's still manipulating her or something.  
thehotmess - Wait  
thehotmess - Wanda?  
thehotmess - As in Wanda Maximoff?  
testosterone - oh I know her  
testosterone - she's in my calc class  
testosterone - she sits next to Natasha  
testosterone - 99% sure they're in love  
xgamesmode - oh yeah I know her  
xgamesmode - she's like very jumpy  
worldsgreatestgrandma - Oh she hangs out with like Tony and them  
thehotmess - Yeah Tony told me about her  
thehotmess - He told me recently that something was up  
thisonetime - I'm pretty sure it's probably that Vis guy I mean he's really shady and probably abused Wanda  
worldsgreatestgrandma - honestly based on what Maria said I wouldn't be surprised if Nat was the one to beat this Vis guy up  
xgamesmode - damn I knew Nat was badass but not THAT badass  
testosterone - eh i think we all knew she had it in her  
testosterone - besides people do crazy shit for love

 

 

 

 **all business no fun**  
tonysnark - Tony Stark  
thehotmess - Pepper Potts

_Friday 11:53 am_

thehotmess - are Wanda and Natasha in love  
tonysnark - I'm sorry WHAT  
tonysnark - where is this coming from you don't talk to either of them  
thehotmess - oh  
thehotmess - (Screenshot x2)  
tonysnark - what the fuck  
tonysnark - honestly I don't know I can ask Clint  
thehotmess - okay  
thehotmess - tell me what he says.

 

 

 

 

 

 **guys being dudes**  
deafkatniss - Clint Barton  
tonysnark - Tony Stark

_Friday 12:00 pm_

tonysnark - (Screenshot x3)  
tonysnark - answer Peps question  
deafkatniss - oh shit  
deafkatniss - well I think so  
deafkatniss - but both of them are deep in denial idk why  
tonysnark - kay thanks

 

 

 

 **all business no fun**  
tonysnark - Tony Stark  
thehotmess - Pepper Potts

_Friday 12:06 pm_

tonysnark - (Screenshot x1)  
thehotmess - of course  
thehotmess - denial gays  
thehotmess - my favorite  
tonysnark - Pep you hate denial gays  
thehotmess - yeah like WHY CAN'T THEY JUST BONE AND GET IT OVER WITH JESUS  
tonysnark - yeah there it is.

 

 

 

 

 **OPERATION GET NATASHA TO DATE WANDA FFS**  
deafkatniss - Clint Barton  
bossassbutch - Carol Danvers  
rawritsloki - Loki Odinson  
gimmebooze - Valkyrie  
roadrunner - Pietro Maximoff  
onearmedbastard - Bucky Barnes  
mercwithamouth - Wade Wilson  
memeyboy - Peter Parker

_Friday 12:12 pm_

deafkatniss - (Screenshot x4)  
roadrunner - who are those people  
deafkatniss - doesn't matter really  
deafkatniss - but are y'all seeing this  
memeyboy - Damn Pepper is blunt  
rawritsloki - yeah she is  
gimmebooze - so basically what you're saying is  
bossassbutch - that everyone but those two knows they are in love  
deafkatniss - yeah  
memeyboy - Jesus Christ we should just shove them in a closet.  
onearmedbastard - I'm starting to think that's the only solution at this point.  
roadrunner - I can get Wanda.  
deafkatniss - I'll get Nat  
rawritsloki - No  
rawritsloki - the closet is not required  
rawritsloki - just show the screenshots to Natasha  
_memeyboy added wizardofthegay to_ **OPERATION GET NATASHA TO DATE WANDA FFS**  
wizardofthegay - okay so for once Loki is kind of right.  
wizardofthegay - but maybe not yet  
wizardofthegay - wait and see if anything happens first.  
wizardofthegay - but if nothing happens by Monday go right ahead  
deafkatniss - fine  
roadrunner - I guess we can wait.

 

 

 

 _memeyboy created a chat._  
_memeyboy added mercwithamouth, bossassbutch, gimmebooze, tonysnark, onearmedbastard, rawritsloki, iwonthesitatebitch, and scarletbitch._  
_memeyboy renamed the chat to_ **OPERATION FIGURE OUT IF CLINT AND PIETRO ARE DATING**

_Friday 1:15 pm_

memeyboy - just read the name  
memeyboy - read it  
scarletbitch - I think they are.  
scarletbitch - Being honest.  
iwonthesitatebitch - Also being honest he hangs out with Pietro way more than me these days and it kinda bothers me cuz he's supposed to be like my brother but also at the same time I'm not mad.  
scarletbitch - I don't like it only because they got arrested doing something stupid together.  
mercwithamouth - I know why you're not mad @ Natasha  
iwonthesitatebitch - I swear...  
mercwithamouth - Okay!  
gimmebooze - we're going to ignore that but yeah if they're dating I wouldn't be surprised.  
tonysnark - (Screenshot x2)  
tonysnark - SHIT  
_tonysnark deleted a message_  
_memeyboy added thehotmess to_ **OPERATION FIGURE OUT IF CLINT AND PIETRO ARE DATING**  
memeyboy - yell at Tony, please  
thehotmess - TONY I SWEAR WHATEVER YOU DID YOU ARE SO DEAD  
tonysnark - sorry Pep.  
bossassbutch - asjnflajbgilnaodshuj TONY YOU ARE SO LUCKY YOU DELETE THAT BEFORE *THEY* SAW IT  
gimmebooze - what my gf said  
scarletbitch - what  
scarletbitch - who  
scarletbitch - so lost  
iwonthesitatebitch - me too babe  
bossassbutch - I'm sorry WHAT  
tonysnark - oh boy  
scarletbitch - asnfahkjsfdhubikj  
_scarletbitch logged off_  
iwonthesitatebitch - shit

 

 

 

 **scott isn't allowed to name this group anymore**  
worldsgreatestgrandma - Scott Lang  
thisonetime - Luis  
xgamesmode - Hope Van Dyne  
testosterone - Maria Hill  
thehotmess - Pepper Potts

 

_Friday 1:32 pm_

thehotmess - (Screenshots x3)  
thehotmess - tis evidence  
worldsgreatestgrandma - Thoroughly convinced they are dating  
testosterone - yeah  
testosterone - yeah me too  
xgamesmode - god they are helpless  
thisonetime - This reminds me of that one time the Ultron guy told me a story about how that Wanda girl's brother once scored her a date with a girl by introducing them (Wanda thought Pietro was flirting with the girl but he wasn't) and then Vis got really jealous and forced them to break up.  
worldsgreatestgrandma - Jesus Luis where do you get this from  
thisonetime - Well me and this Ultron guy were pretty tight, like really tight, and he was kinda the like gossip of the school so I learned everything, and I'm talking everything, from him. I mean, like this one time he told me about this other guy named Ronan who sucked his dick for info on this girl Gamora and her sister Nebula. Apparently, those two are like Mr. Thanos' daughters which is weird because I think they also transferred here.  
worldsgreatestgrandma - I shouldn't have asked.  
testosterone - that's the first time you've ever said something smart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes I finally added mroe people  
> not sure the ships yet  
> but its gonna be gay  
> that's a promise


	11. panic and panic!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bossassbutch - whee woo whee woo  
> bossassbutch - it's the gay police  
> gimmebooze - we've been alerted to...  
> bossassbutch - cute gay overload!!!

**Red Heads**  
scarletbitch - Wanda Maximoff  
iwonthesitatebitch - Natasha Romanov

_Friday 9:00 pm_

scarletbitch - help  
scarletbitch - pnaic  
scarletbitch - Tasha  
iwonthesitatebitch - I'm going to call you  
iwonthesitatebitch - hold on

*ring... ring...*  
"Wanda... Calm down. Deep breathes. focus on my voice. Breathe in with me... And out..."  
"Can't... Tash..." Wanda was gasping for air.  
"Hey hey I'm right here. You are going to be okay. Just breathe with me,"  
"I..."  
"Shh... You don't have to talk,"  
"Keep talking? Please?" Wanda said, regaining her breathe back slowly.  
"Of course. Did I ever tell you about that one time Clint and I got stuck in the Janitors closet? At first, we were just trying to get out of class but then while we were stuck in there because Clint, being stupid as fuck, accidentally tore the doorknob out of the socket. We ended up calling Loki because we figured he wouldn't tell anyone but he ended up telling Mr. Coulson and he had to break us out of the closet. Most people thought we had been fucking, but then they remembered that I am a raging homosexual and I would never have sex with a man, nonetheless Clint,"  
"Didn't he also get stuck in the vents?" Wanda asked.  
"Yeah. He was trying to run from Mr. Thanos because he had been caught smoking weed. I'm pretty sure he was with Wade. He was an idiot and he ran away, with Mr. Thanos chasing him. He managed to climb into the vents but he kinda got stuck and he called me. I had to rush out of AP World History, my favorite class, to find Clint in the vents and help him out. He ended up being in the vents above the girl's bathroom in the west wing. Long story short they had to replace the ceiling and the administration still has no idea what happened,"  
"That's all true?"  
"Yeah. Yeah, it is," Natasha took a deep breath. "Are you feeling any better?"  
"Yeah, Tasha. Thank you," Wanda smiled.  
"Anytime." There was a noticeable yell on Wanda's end of the phone.  
"I have to go," Wanda said, yelling back while covering her phone. "I will talk to you later,"  
"Bye Wands,"  
"Bye Tasha,"  
*beeeeeeeeeeep*

 

 

 **what's straight???**  
tonysnark - Tony Stark  
deafkatniss - Clint Barton  
patrioticdoof - Steve Rogers  
iwonthesitatebitch - Natasha Romanoff  
bossassbutch - Carol Danvers  
gimmebooze - Valkyrie  
onearmedbastard - Bucky Barnes  
poptartgod - Thor Odinson  
greengiant - Bruce Banner  
kingmeow - T'Challa  
flyingbastard - Sam Wilson  
rawritsloki - Loki Odinson  
memeyboy - Peter Parker  
wizardofthegay - Stephen Strange  
scarletbitch - Wanda Maximoff  
roadrunner - Pietro Maximoff  
milesformiles - Miles Morales  
dontfuckwithme - Michelle Jones  
ishurihopeitdoes - Shuri

_Saturday 9:34 am_

_tonysnark added thehotmess and testosterone to_ **what's straight???**  
ishurihopeitdoes - hi welcome to chilis  
memeyboy - hi welcome to Applebees would you like the apples or bees?  
tonysnark - bees?  
dontfuckwithme - HE HAS SELECTED THE BEES  
tonysnark - wait  
memeyboy - *aggressively shakes a jar of bees*  
ishurihopeitdoes - *releases the bees*  
testosterone - okay so great start  
roadrunner - who is't art thee  
scarletbitch - Pietro just because you've read Shakespeare once doesn't mean you can speak like him  
roadrunner - tryeth me wench  
tonysnark - anyway this is Maria Hill and Pepper Potts they are my friends  
wizardofthegay - you have friends???  
wizardofthegay - wow!!!  
tonysnark - Strange I put you in this group chat and I have the power to take you out of it  
wizardofthegay - or I could just leave  
_poptartgod changed greengiant's name to softgreenguyuwu_  
softgreenguyuwu - THOR  
poptartgod - :)  
rawritsloki - gay gay gay gay gay  
bossassbutch - whee woo whee woo  
bossassbutch - it's the gay police  
gimmebooze - we've been alerted to...  
bossassbutch - cute gay overload!!!  
flyingbastard - wait are y'all...  
kingmeow - Dating?  
memeyboy - are y'all...  
milesformiles - finishing each other's sentences?  
ishurihopeitdoes - and I'm still not allowed to date  
kingmeow - WE'RE NOT DATING  
flyingbastard - WE'RE NOT DATING  
poptartgod - But Bruce and I are!  
softgreenguyuwu - Yeah we are.  
tonysnark - finally  
scarletbitch - awwwwwwww  
iwonthesitatebitch - That's so cute!  
deafkatniss - hey Nat are we gonna ignore what you said yesterday or...?  
_iwonthesitatebitch logged off_  
deafkatniss - that answers my question.  
deafkatniss - so Wanda...  
scarletbitch - nope  
_scarletbitch logged off_  
memeyboy - oof  
ishurihopeitdoes - can I get an f in the chat  
testosterone - f  
thehotmess - f  
dontfuckwithme - f  
tonysnark - f  
milesformiles - f  
kingmeow - f  
flyingbastard - f  
bossassbutch - f  
mercwithamouth - f  
gimmebooze - f  
poptartgod - F  
softgreenguyuwu - f  
rawritsloki - f  
roadrunner - f  
deafkatniss - pietro!!! :(  
roadrunner - sorry :)  
_roadrunner logged off_  
deafkatniss - :(  
_deafkatniss logged off_  
memeyboy - evidence log one.

 

 

 **OPERATION FIGURE OUT IF CLINT AND PIETRO ARE DATING**  
memeyboy - Peter Parker  
mercwithamouth - Wade Wilson  
bossassbutch - Carol Danvers  
gimmebooze - Valkyrie  
tonysnark - Tony Stark  
onearmedbastard - Bucky Barnes  
rawritsloki - Loki Odinson  
scarletbitch - Wanda Maximoff  
iwonthesitatebitch - Natasha Romanoff

 

_Saturday 9:48 am_

memeyboy - y'all  
memeyboy - we have more evidence  
tonysnark - yeah  
onearmedbastard - also for the other thing  
mercwithamouth - oh yeah ;) ;) ;)  
scarletbitch - ???  
iwonthesitatebitch - ^  
tonysnark - ^^  
rawritsloki - can i just ask clint  
gimmebooze - idk if that's a good idea Loki  
rawritsloki - okay im going to try and get him to confess  
bossassbutch - you better be very careful

 

 

 

 **Young Brother Bros**  
rawritsloki - Loki Odinson  
deafkatniss - Clint Barton

_Saturday 10:02 am_

rawritsloki - what's your favorite Panic! song?  
deafkatniss - uhh???  
deafkatniss - Miss Jackson.  
deafkatniss - why???  
rawritsloki - idk i saw you wearing their shirt yesterday so i though I'd ask  
deafkatniss - cut the shit Loki ask me what you really want to ask me  
rawritsloki - how are things with you and Pietro?  
deafkatniss - pretty good  
rawritsloki - you been on a date yet?  
deafkatniss - yes  
rawritsloki - okay

 

 

 

 **third and fourth wheels**  
deafkatniss - Clint Barton  
roadrunner - Pietro Maximoff

_Saturday 10:07 am_

deafkatniss - I FUCKED UP  
roadrunner - how?  
deafkatniss - (Screenshot x1)  
roadrunner - CLINT  
deafkatniss - how am I supposed to say we aren't dating?  
roadrunner - just  
roadrunner - honestly let's just fucking fake date  
deafkatniss - this sounds like a bad idea  
roadrunner - well it gives as an excuse for avoiding wanda and nat  
roadrunner - and kind of an alibi for that stupid shit we did that we weren't caught doing  
deafkatniss - this sounds like a terrible idea  
deafkatniss - I'm in!  
roadrunner - okay good  
roadrunner - but remember  
roadrunner - they think we are secretly dating  
deafkatniss - so fake date but act like we're just trying to hide that we are dating in secret  
roadrunner - yes  
deafkatniss - but in reality we are trying to hide that we aren't dating?  
roadrunner - yes  
  
  


 

 

 

 

 **OPERATION FIGURE OUT IF CLINT AND PIETRO ARE DATING**  
memeyboy - Peter Parker  
mercwithamouth - Wade Wilson  
bossassbutch - Carol Danvers  
gimmebooze - Valkyrie  
tonysnark - Tony Stark  
onearmedbastard - Bucky Barnes  
rawritsloki - Loki Odinson  
scarletbitch - Wanda Maximoff  
iwonthesitatebitch - Natasha Romanoff

_Saturday 10:11 am_

rawritsloki - (Screenshot x1)  
iwonthesitatebitch - They are bad at hiding things.  
memeyboy - but we have to fake not knowing because he thinks only Loki knows now  
gimmebooze - this is complicated.  
scarletbitch - I'm disappointed but not surprised  
iwonthesitatebitch - ^  
mercwithamouth - ;)  
iwonthesitatebitch - I'M GONNA KILL YOU WADE  
memeyboy - no not my bby boy  
tonysnark - excuse me WHAT  
memeyboy - and i oop  
_memeyboy has logged off_  
mercwithamouth - oop  
_mercwithamouth has logged off_  
tonysnark - well fuck

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yall 2 updates in 2 days what a miracle am i right  
> anyway hope you enjoy this gay trash


	12. gays, gays, and more damn gays

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> softgreenuwu - I can kill you in four different ways.  
> tonysnark - I'd like to see you try  
> softgreenuwu - Okay!  
> tonysnark - WAIT NO

**irondad and spiderson**  
tonysnark - Tony Stark  
memeyboy - Peter Parker

_Sunday 10:12 am_

tonysnark - don't think I didn't see that little stunt you and Wade pulled off yesterday  
memeyboy - Stunt??? what stunt???  
tonysnark - cut the shit parker  
tonysnark - are you dating him or was it a joke?  
tonysnark - I have nothing against Wade but he's a little dangerous sometimes.  
memeyboy - okay so maybe we have slightly been dating for a short amount of time but it's nothing, Mr. Stark  
tonysnark - okay don't call me Mr. I'm like a year older  
tonysnark - and I don't care as long as he doesn't hurt you.  
memeyboy - Wade is a good guy he wouldn't hurt me.

 

 

**Royal ass siblings**  
kingmeow - T'Challa  
ishurihopeitdoes - Shuri

_Sunday 11:11 am_

 

kingmeow - how to ask someone out send tweet  
ishurihopeitdoes - was this for me  
ishurihopeitdoes - because as I recall you got mad i was dating MJ  
kingmeow - Yes. I am not mad anymore I just wished you would have told me.  
kingmeow - Anyways...  
kingmeow - Help?  
ishurihopeitdoes - why don't you ask sam you guys are like best buds.  
kingmeow - I uh... Can't?  
ishurihopeitdoes - Why can't you?  
ishurihopeitdoes - wait...  
ishurihopeitdoes - you like sam???  
kingmeow - I uh  
kingmeow - Yeah  
kingmeow - How do I ask him out help  
ishurihopeitdoes - just because i'm dating MJ doesn't mean I know how I did it!  
kingmeow - fine I'll ask Tony.  
ishurihopeitdoes - Nope i'm already helping you  
ishurihopeitdoes - buy him flowers  
ishurihopeitdoes - and like surprise him  
ishurihopeitdoes - and them ask him on a date.  
kingmeow - okay.  
ishurihopeitdoes - oNLY ONE BOUQUET OF FLOWERS NOT 10  
kingmeow - okay.  
ishurihopeitdoes - I MEAN THAT ONLY ONE  
kingmeow - Okay fine.  
ishurihopeitdoes - good

 

 

 

 

 

 

**third and fourth wheels**  
deafkatniss - Clint Barton  
roadrunner - Pietro Maximoff

_Sunday 11:50 am_

roadrunner - okay so besides the elephant in the room that you're stupid  
roadrunner - but ask nat  
roadrunner - if my lil sis is isolating herself from her  
deafkatniss - ask her yourself  
roadrunner - no  
deafkatniss - fine ill be back soon bb  
roadrunner - excuse me  
deafkatniss - getting into character ;)  
roadrunner - okay

 

 

 

 

 

 

**sad cult**  
iwonthesitatebitch - Natasha Romanoff  
deafkatniss - Clint Barton

_Sunday 11:54 am_

deafkatniss - is wanda isolating herself from you  
deafkatniss - Pietro wants to know  
iwonthesitatebitch - Why doesn't he ask me himself?  
deafkatniss - idk he asked me to do it so I did  
iwonthesitatebitch - and to answer the question not really.  
iwonthesitatebitch - Wait  
iwonthesitatebitch - Do you like him?  
deafkatniss - gotta blast thanks  
_deafkatniss logged off_

 

 

 

 

 

**third and fourth wheels**  
deafkatniss - Clint Barton  
roadrunner - Pietro Maximoff

_Sunday 11:59 am_

deafkatniss - (Screenshot x1)  
deafkatniss - there  
deafkatniss - now will you tell me why you asked  
roadrunner - I was just wondering cuz wanda is fucking smitten for nat and i figured she would try and distance herself because for whatever reason she won't tell nat  
deafkatniss - oof

 

 

 

 

 

 

**OPERATION FIGURE OUT IF CLINT AND PIETRO ARE DATING**  
memeyboy - Peter Parker  
mercwithamouth - Wade Wilson  
bossassbutch - Carol Danvers  
gimmebooze - Valkyrie  
tonysnark - Tony Stark  
onearmedbastard - Bucky Barnes  
rawritsloki - Loki Odinson  
scarletbitch - Wanda Maximoff  
iwonthesitatebitch - Natasha Romanoff

_Sunday 12:01 pm_

iwonthesitatebitch - (Screenshot x1)  
memeyboy - lmao  
mercwithamouth - mood  
scarletbitch - Why are they big dumb?  
iwonthesitatebitch - I mean it's Clint and Pietro it's gonna be pretty dumb  
rawritsloki - ^  
tonysnark - ^^  
scarletbitch - Yeah that's v true bby  
memeyboy - aisdsafhajihdofasd  
mercwithamouth - Pete babe what the heck  
memeyboy - ;)  
mercwithamouth - ahhhh  
mercwithamouth - rt  
rawritsloki - rt  
bossassbutch - rt  
tonysnark - rt  
gimmebooze - rt  
scarletbitch - Uhm???  
scarletbitch - I am confusion.  
iwonthesitatebitch - America Explain  
memeyboy - *grinning intensifies*

 

 

 

 

 

**we're all big boys now**  
flyingbastard - Sam Wilson  
kingmeow - T'Challa  
patrioticdoof - Steve Rogers  
onearmedbastard - Bucky Barnes

_Sunday 12:21 pm_

onearmedbastard - In today's news Pietro and Clint may or may not be dating, Wade and Peter Parker may or may not be dating, and Wanda is big gay for Natasha.  
patrioticdoof - thanks Buck  
flyingbastard - You know for a guy who's hella annoying you can be pretty useful sometimes  
kingmeow - Why do you tell us these things?  
onearmedbastard - because y'all are only in one of the group chats and I don't think you want the elongated conversations when you could just have a simple summary.  
kingmeow - That is very true.  
kingmeow - Also Samuel tomorrow I need to meet you at your locker before class.  
flyingbastard - Should I be concerned?  
kingmeow - No I just need to ask you something.  
_kingmeow logged off_  
flyingbastard - okay...???  
onearmedbastard - *side eye emoji*  
patrioticdoof - Buck!  
patrioticdoof - Not the time!  
onearmedbastard - Sorry!  
_onearmedbastard and patrioticdoof logged off_  
flyingbastard - okay...???

 

 

 

 

 

**what's straight???**  
tonysnark - Tony Stark  
deafkatniss - Clint Barton  
patrioticdoof - Steve Rogers  
iwonthesitatebitch - Natasha Romanoff  
bossassbutch - Carol Danvers  
gimmebooze - Valkyrie  
onearmedbastard - Bucky Barnes  
poptartgod - Thor Odinson  
softgreenuwu - Bruce Banner  
kingmeow - T'Challa  
flyingbastard - Sam Wilson  
rawritsloki - Loki Odinson  
memeyboy - Peter Parker  
wizardofthegay - Stephen Strange  
scarletbitch - Wanda Maximoff  
roadrunner - Pietro Maximoff  
milesformiles - Miles Morales  
dontfuckwithme - Michelle Jones  
ishurihopeitdoes - Shuri  
testosterone - Maria Hill  
thehotmess - Pepper Potts

_Sunday 1:00 pm_

scarletbitch - This guy on the street tried to ask me out and when I told him I was gay he said I was just being difficult and that I was straight and should fuck him.  
iwonthesitatebitch - Did you punch him?  
scarletbitch - Duh  
iwonthesitatebitch - Proud of you bby  
scarletbitch - :)  
tonysnark - death to all homophobes  
roadrunner - You go sis!  
deafkatniss - :)  
testosterone - Pep?  
thehotmess - We got em' boys  
wizardofthegay - oof  
rawritsloki - i hate homophobes so much  
rawritsloki - anyway thor wants me to join football can i stab him  
softgreenuwu - no!!!  
tonysnark - he is soft!!!  
softgreenuwu - I can kill you in four different ways.  
tonysnark - I'd like to see you try  
softgreenuwu - Okay!  
tonysnark - WAIT NO  
iwonthesitatebitch - I see the student has learned well.  
poptartgod - LOKI IF YOU STAB ME AGAIN I WILL HUG YOU AND GET BLOOD ALL OVER YOU.  
rawritsloki - jokes on you I know how to get blood out of clothing.  
mercwithamouth - your welcome Loki  
rawritsloki - thanks wade.  
patrioticdoof - I would be concerned but it's Wade.  
mercwithamouth - :)

 

 

 

 

**OPERATION GET NATASHA TO DATE WANDA FFS**  
deafkatniss - Clint Barton  
bossassbutch - Carol Danvers  
rawritsloki - Loki Odinson  
gimmebooze - Valkyrie  
roadrunner - Pietro Maximoff  
onearmedbastard - Bucky Barnes  
mercwithamouth - Wade Wilson  
memeyboy - Peter Parker  
wizardofthegay - Stephen Strange

_Sunday 1:45 pm_

memeyboy - first things first  
_memeyboy added testosterone and thehotmess to_ **OPERATION GET NATASHA TO DATE WANDA FFS**  
memeyboy - the second thing  
memeyboy - are the fucking with us  
memeyboy - or???  
wizardofthegay - I conclude that there is a 69% chance they are fucking with us and a 31% chance they are actually fucking  
deafkatniss - haha  
deafkatniss - 69  
bossassbutch - my gaydar is flashing neon and I think it's the 69% but they don't realize that they are fucking with us  
deafkatniss - haha  
deafkatniss - 69  
gimmebooze - I agree  
testosterone - the 69% is more likely but I have to go with the 31% because I think they aren't that stupid to flirt without it going anywhere  
deafkatniss - haha  
deafkatniss - 69  
thehotmess - CLINT SHUT THE FUCK UP THE ADULTS ARE TALKING  
memeyboy - there it is  
testosterone - that's my gf  
_testosterone deleted a chat_  
testosterone - that's my bff  
memeyboy - @testosterone: let's talk  
testosterone - okay...  
thehotmess - god I have to fix everything around here I swear  
_thehotmess, testosterone, and memeyboy have logged off_  
deafkatniss - I AM AN ADULT  
roadrunner - keep telling yourself that babe  
gimmebooze - hehehe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes more and more gay  
> no Pietro and Clint aren't actually dating but they are faking it to try and fuck with everyone  
> because that's who they are  
> also if this shit makes no sense im sorry im v tired and thought I had to get a chapter out


	13. 13 is so lucky (aka where Wanda loses her fuckin mind)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> memeyboy - she lit a printer on fire because it wouldn't work  
> memeyboy - and threw it at flash because he walked in at the wrong moment  
> rawritsloki - we stan an angry queen

**Tonys mutuals**  
memeyboy - Peter Parker  
testosterone - Maria Hill

_Sunday 2:01 pm_

memeyboy - so  
memeyboy - you got a secret girlfriend  
memeyboy - you accidentally said something.  
memeyboy - you messed up.  
testosterone - hey shut up you forgot you were hiding that you and Wade were dating from Tony.  
memeyboy - you got me there.  
memeyboy - but still  
memeyboy - you better hope no one besides me saw that.  
memeyboy - because you deleted that fast.  
testosterone - i am so fucking lucky that Pepper didn't see that.  
memeyboy - you bet your ass you are  
_memeyboy logged off_

 

 

 

 

 

 

 **what's straight???**  
tonysnark - Tony Stark  
deafkatniss - Clint Barton  
patrioticdoof - Steve Rogers  
iwonthesitatebitch - Natasha Romanoff  
bossassbutch - Carol Danvers  
gimmebooze - Valkyrie  
onearmedbastard - Bucky Barnes  
poptartgod - Thor Odinson  
softgreenuwu - Bruce Banner  
kingmeow - T'Challa  
flyingbastard - Sam Wilson  
rawritsloki - Loki Odinson  
memeyboy - Peter Parker  
wizardofthegay - Stephen Strange  
scarletbitch - Wanda Maximoff  
roadrunner - Pietro Maximoff  
milesformiles - Miles Morales  
dontfuckwithme - Michelle Jones  
ishurihopeitdoes - Shuri  
testosterone - Maria Hill  
thehotmess - Pepper Potts

_Monday 7:45 am_

patrioticdoof - Hey Thor and Loki, why is Hela in Fury's office?  
onearmedbastard - she has in-school suspension today  
deafkatniss - it's not even 8 am yet???  
iwonthesitatebitch - She's Hela.  
deafkatniss - Fair enough.  
poptartgod - What???  
poptartgod - What did my sister do this time???  
memeyboy - she lit a printer on fire because it wouldn't work  
memeyboy - and threw it at flash because he walked in at the wrong moment  
rawritsloki - we stan an angry queen  
rawritsloki - is flash hurt  
memeyboy - no Hela can't aim  
scarletbitch - I have an idea  
roadrunner - oh no  
scarletbitch - shut up  
scarletbitch - let's break her out and skip the day  
iwonthesitatebitch - Wands you know I love you but no  
flyingbastard - and eye sahfyihsbjfduihjgnljf  
flyingbastard - ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh  
memeyboy - big mood  
scarletbitch - sam shut up  
scarletbitch - anyway we need a distraction  
wizardofthegay - I think Scott Lang has that covered  
wizardofthegay - he threw his ant farm at Mr. Thanos because he tried to take his phone.  
wizardofthegay - They're calling Fury.  
scarletbitch - YES LET'S GET HELA  
iwonthesitatebitch - WANDA NO  
scarletbitch - WANDA YES  
roadrunner - and she's gone  
deafkatniss - oop  
iwonthesitatebitch - FFS  
_iwonthesitatebitch has logged off_  
deafkatniss - why was sam freaking out  
ishurihopeitdoes - T'Challa asked him out  
onearmedbastard - oof  
scarletbitch - anyway I got Hela I'm heading out if anyone wants to join we have her van meet us outside like now  
rawritsloki - wait for me bitches  
onearmedbastard - ^^  
wizardofthegay - ^^^^  
memeyboy - stephen being a bad boy??? more likely than you think  
deafkatniss - Pietro and I are heading ur way  
milesformiles - I am heading out too. I hate this school.  
scarletbitch - If that's everyone we are leaving

 

 

 

 

 

 

 **Red Heads**  
scarletbitch - Wanda Maximoff  
iwonthesitatebitch - Natasha Romanoff

_Monday 8:15 am_

iwonthesitatebitch - FFS wanda get back here  
scarletbitch - no  
iwonthesitatebitch - FLIPPING ME OUT FROM YOUR WINDOW ISN'T HELPING YOUR CASE  
scarletbitch - HA  
scarletbitch - get rekt son  
iwonthesitatebitch - just because Hela hit me off the road with her van does not mean this is over  
scarletbitch - ha  
scarletbitch - you thought it was over  
iwonthesitatebitch - WANDA  
iwonthesitatebitch - NO  
iwonthesitatebitch - GODAMMIT YOU GUYS ARE GONNA GET ARRESTED  
scarletbitch - :)

 

 

 

 

_scarletbitch created a chat._  
_memeyboy added rawritsloki, wizardofthegay, milesformiles, roadrunner, onearmedbastard, rawritsloki, deafkatniss, and helasinhell._  
_scarletbitch renamed the chat to_ **DITCH SCHOOL SQUAD**

_Monday 8:31 am_

helasinhell - okay goal 1 - don't get arrested  
helasinhell - goal 2 - have hella fun  
helasinhell - goal 3 - don't let mad Nat find us  
roadrunner - challenge accepted  
rawritsloki - sidenote Hela START THE CAR I GOT THE GOODS  
helasinhell - lit  
rawritsloki - START THE CAR ASASHGDAHFHSAG  
deafkatniss - and posted  
roadrunner - he really ate sidewalk lmao  
rawritsloki - if yall dont shut up you ain't getting any  
scarletbitch - :(  
roadrunner - and Wanda used to yell at me for smoking  
roadrunner - oW  
scarletbitch - :)  
rawritsloki - extra for Wanda  
scarletbitch - :)))))))))))))))  
onearmedbastard - not to alarm y'all but Nat is right behind us you might wanna book it  
rawritsloki - WANDA  
milesformiles - PUT THE FIRE OUT  
deafkatniss - fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck  
helasinhell - I THINK MY USERNAME IS APPROPRIATE NOW  
helasinhell - sidenote PUT THE FUCKING FIRE OUT STOP FILMING IT  
wizardofthegay - no  
helasinhell - fair enough  
roadrunner - I can't believe Wanda dropped her joint lmao  
scarletbitch - I will burn you in your sleep  
deafkatniss - KIDS SETTLE DOWN  
milesformiles - Nat is gone we should find a secluded area and jump out of the moving van  
rawritsloki - HELL YES

 

 

 

 

 

 **what's straight???**  
tonysnark - Tony Stark  
deafkatniss - Clint Barton  
patrioticdoof - Steve Rogers  
iwonthesitatebitch - Natasha Romanoff  
bossassbutch - Carol Danvers  
gimmebooze - Valkyrie  
onearmedbastard - Bucky Barnes  
poptartgod - Thor Odinson  
softgreenuwu - Bruce Banner  
kingmeow - T'Challa  
flyingbastard - Sam Wilson  
rawritsloki - Loki Odinson  
memeyboy - Peter Parker  
wizardofthegay - Stephen Strange  
scarletbitch - Wanda Maximoff  
roadrunner - Pietro Maximoff  
milesformiles - Miles Morales  
dontfuckwithme - Michelle Jones  
ishurihopeitdoes - Shuri  
testosterone - Maria Hill  
thehotmess - Pepper Potts

_Monday 11:34 am_

milesformiles - hey we're back at school someone please call the cops  
milesformiles - please  
milesformiles - wanda set a fire in a van and burn a phone or two and uh buckys arm  
milesformiles and uh wanda also may have uh  
milesformiles - broken an arm  
milesformiles - jumping out of a moving van into some rocks  
milesformiles - and clint did the same thing so he uh has some injuries too  
iwonthesitatebitch - ffs  
iwonthesitatebitch - WAIT WANDA DID WHAT  
scarletbitch - haha bby is big mad  
scarletbitch - ahahahahahaah  
scarletbitch - my bone is sticking out  
scarletbitch - its so cool  
iwonthesitatebitch - WANDA NO  
scarletbitch - oooooh its Tasha  
scarletbitch - ur so pretty <3  
iwonthesitatebitch - NOT THE TIME  
testosterone - ffs I'm calling to cops now  
thehotmess - how high are yall  
scarletbitch - how fast does light travel  
rawritsloki - hella  
patrioticdoof - WANDA LIT BUCKYS ARM ON FIRE  
onearmedbastard - okay not really its fine just a little blackened in one area  
patriotic doof - does it still work  
onearmedbastard - it's locked in extension  
onearmedbastard - I also jumped out of the van  
patrioticdoof - GOD dAMN IT  
milesformiles - RUN IT's THE COPS  
rawritsloki - AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH  
iwonthesitatebitch - FFS I'M SO DONE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so this took a month because ya boy just had knee surgery  
> so yeah  
> and this may be the last update until like the tenth but idk yet  
> so stay tuned for more messed up avengers as teenagers  
> also if I haven't said it before my Tumblr is just-fucking-gay (Although I am trying to figure out a new username)


	14. welcome to the hospital (where gay shit happens)

**what's straight???**  
tonysnark - Tony Stark  
deafkatniss - Clint Barton  
patrioticdoof - Steve Rogers  
iwonthesitatebitch - Natasha Romanoff  
bossassbutch - Carol Danvers  
gimmebooze - Valkyrie  
onearmedbastard - Bucky Barnes  
poptartgod - Thor Odinson  
softgreenuwu - Bruce Banner  
kingmeow - T'Challa  
flyingbastard - Sam Wilson  
rawritsloki - Loki Odinson  
memeyboy - Peter Parker  
wizardofthegay - Stephen Strange  
scarletbitch - Wanda Maximoff  
roadrunner - Pietro Maximoff  
milesformiles - Miles Morales  
dontfuckwithme - Michelle Jones  
ishurihopeitdoes - Shuri  
testosterone - Maria Hill  
thehotmess - Pepper Potts

_Monday 2:23 pm_

iwonthesitatebitch - Everyone got to the hospital relatively okay.  
iwonthesitatebitch - While trying to run from the cops Miles broke his wrist falling.  
iwonthesitatebitch - Clint sprained both wrists and an ankle jumping out of the van.  
iwonthesitatebitch - Wanda broke her arm and just got out of surgery, and Pietro has a concussion.  
iwonthesitatebitch - Loki just has some scratches from when he ate sidewalk.  
rawritsloki - HEY  
iwonthesitatebitch - and Stephen is just really high.  
wizardofthegay - hella  
iwonthesitatebitch - also Bucky had to give his arm to Shuri so she could fix it.  
ishurihopeitdoes - :)  
iwonthesitatebitch - Also Hela talked her way out of being arrested somehow and it was funny as shit.  
iwonthesitatebitch - I'm confident she may have fucked the officer.  
poptartgod - Not Again...  
testosterone - Again???  
poptartgod - She Did That When She Almost Got Arrested For Possession of Cocaine  
deafkatniss- Cocaine??? Why couldn't we have that???  
rawritsloki - don't do cocaine. Hela just sells cocaine. She doesn't smoke it or anything.  
iwonthesitatebitch - CLINT OFF YOUR PHONE  
deafkatniss - NO  
deafkatniss - I WILL NOASIUHFAILASFUD  
scarletbitch - hahahaahhahahaahaha  
scarletbitch - Tasha'a gonna beat Clint's asssssssss  
iwonthesitatebitch - WANdA OFF YOUR PHONE TOO  
scarletbitch - ooh she's coming for me  
scarletbitch - really hot  
scarletbitch - hahahahaha  
scarletbitch - I kissed her and now she's really red  
scarletbitch - Like red as her hair  
bossassbutch - Wait...  
gimmebooze - Wanda's high off painkillers I think  
bossassbutch - But still...  
bossassbutch - @iwonthesitatebitch what just happened  
iwonthesitatebitch - asjhufulfghahd  
_iwonthesitatebitch logged off_  
scarletbitch - :)  
scarletbitch - oop  
scarletbitch - Tasha is really hot  
_scarletbitch logged off_  
deafkatniss - motherfucker ------

 

 

 

 **OPERATION GET NATASHA TO DATE WANDA FFS**  
deafkatniss - Clint Barton  
bossassbutch - Carol Danvers  
rawritsloki - Loki Odinson  
gimmebooze - Valkyrie  
roadrunner - Pietro Maximoff  
onearmedbastard - Bucky Barnes  
mercwithamouth - Wade Wilson  
memeyboy - Peter Parker  
wizardofthegay - Stephen Strange  
testosterone - Maria Hill  
thehotmess - Pepper Potts

_Monday 2:32 pm_

memeyboy - Clint spill what's happening.  
deafkatniss - (images x2)  
roadrunner - boy am i glad they aren't making out  
deafkatniss - oh they were  
deafkatniss - but they stopped and started cuddling  
deafkatniss - and I think they both fell asleep.  
bossassbutch - Oh geez  
rawritsloki - who wants to bet they both won't talk to each other about it and they won't date  
wizardofthegay - rt  
testosterone - rt  
thehotmess - rt  
memeyboy - rt  
mercwithamouth - rt  
onearmedbastard - rt  
roadrunner - rt  
gimmebooze - rt  
bossassbutch - rt  
deafkatniss - rt  
deafkatniss - OH WANDA IS AWAKE  
deafkatniss - AND SHE'S STARING VERY GAYILY AT NAT  
deafkatniss - AND NOW NAT IS UP  
deafkatniss - okay I'm not gonna look now  
roadrunner - fool  
roadrunner - they is gay  
roadrunner - v gay  
rawritsloki - they are in PUBLIC  
rawritsloki - I am DISGUSTED  
rawritsloki - REVOLTED  
onearmedbastard - I dedicate my whole to our lord and savior Jesus Christ and THIS IS THE THANKS I GET (images x2)  
deafkatniss - oh  
deafkatniss- oH  
deafkatniss - okay they're going back to sleep we're good.  
rawritsloki - also if y'all didn't know Pietro ran from his room when the doctors weren't looking and is in Clint's room now.  
roadrunner - it has a better view of Wanda's room.  
roadrunner - NOT IN A CREEPY WAY BUT IN A THAT'S MY SISTER AND IF SHE GETS HURT I'M GOING TO KILL NATASHA  
bossassbutch - makes sense but I don't think you can kill Nat  
deafkatniss - honestly I'm sure if she hurt Wanda she'd probably hurt herself  
roadrunner - I think Nat is out cold and Wanda is just goofily smiling at her  
gimmebooze - what a useless lesbian  
rawritsloki - rt

 

 

 **we're all big boys now**  
flyingbastard - Sam Wilson  
kingmeow - T'Challa  
patrioticdoof - Steve Rogers  
onearmedbastard - Bucky Barnes

_Monday 3:00 pm_

patrioticdoof - Bucky I am picking you up from the hospital but I am very disappointed in you  
onearmedbastard - blame Wanda it was her idea  
onearmedbastard - and she burned my arm  
kingmeow - Wanda is not in her right mind  
onearmedbastard - Really??? Because she and Nat were totally just making out.  
patrioticdoof - Bucky you went along with the whole thing.  
onearmedbastard - fair enough  
kingmeow - also Shuri should be done with the arm soon.  
onearmedbastard - lit  
patrioticdoof - No it is not lit it is fixed doofus  
onearmedbastard - ffs Steve shut up

 

 

 

 **Scary Bitches Unite**  
iwonthesitatebitch - Natasha Romanoff  
rawritsloki - Loki Odinson  
onearmedbastard - Bucky Barnes  
helasinhell - Hela Odinson  
deafkatniss - Clint Barton  
mercwithamouth - Wade Wilson

_Monday 3:15 pm_

helasinhell - and another successful operation!  
deafkatniss - shut the hell up  
helasinhell - your just mad that you sprained 2 wrists and an ankle jumping out of my van  
deafkatniss - yeah yeah whatever  
rawritsloki - @iwonthesitatebitch  
rawritsloki - what's up with Wanda  
iwonthesitatebitch - this does not leave this chat ever okay  
rawritsloki - okay  
iwonthesitatebitch - Uh Wanda is a little high on painkillers  
mercwithamouth - we been knew  
iwonthesitatebitch - and she asked me out  
iwonthesitatebitch - also she kinda said something about how her father is a dick and Pietro doesn't know and how I was really hot and then she passed out.  
deafkatniss - yeah and y'all made out  
iwonthesitatebitch - stfu you stupid ass hoe  
deafkatniss - bitch  
iwonthesitatebitch - I will go over there and hurt you  
iwonthesitatebitch - oh shit wanda's waking up gotta blast  
iwonthesitatebitch logged off  
deafkatniss - hahahaha it's really gay  
mercwithamouth - we been knew

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> honestly I thought I wouldn't be able to get this out but I had some ideas and I was like fuck it I'll write it down and that's how this chapter was born


	15. Natasha finds shit out (big uh oh)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> roadrunner - I feel like y'all are hiding something.  
> deafkatniss - Nooooooo  
> deafkatniss - uh  
> rawritsloki - PIETRO AND CLINT ARE DATING

**Scary Bitches Unite**  
iwonthesitatebitch - Natasha Romanoff  
rawritsloki - Loki Odinson  
onearmedbastard - Bucky Barnes  
helasinhell - Hela Odinson  
deafkatniss - Clint Barton  
mercwithamouth - Wade Wilson

_Monday 8:07 pm_

iwonthesitatebitch - Can we get serious for a sec?  
rawritsloki - uhhhhh  
rawritsloki - maybe???  
deafkatniss - Yeah what's up Net  
deafkatniss - Nat***  
onearmedbastard - I like Net better.  
iwonthesitatebitch - stfu Bucky. I don't have time for this.  
onearmedbastard - What's gotten you all worked up?  
iwonthesitatebitch - You know how I've been here in the hospital with everyone?  
deafkatniss - Mostly Wanda but yeah?  
iwonthesitatebitch - Yeah, well a doctor just approached me about Wanda's home life.  
deafkatniss - what???  
iwonthesitatebitch - I said I didn't know much besides that her father just got back from god knows where and the doctor just sighed. He mumbled something about domestic abuse and walked off. I just left to get some clean clothes for Wanda, so I couldn't ask further questions but...  
onearmedbastard - oh my god.  
helasinhell - I think we are all thinking the same thing.  
iwonthesitatebitch - Well what should I do?  
deafkatniss - Judging that you weren't approached by a doctor about Pietro, I assume he doesn't know.  
rawritsloki - kay imma bout to throw hands at the son of a bitch doing this  
helasinhell - me too like wtf.  
iwonthesitatebitch - Yeah but what should I do???  
deafkatniss - Uh...  
deafkatniss - Any ideas anyone?  
rawritsloki - we could try and spy on the house while Clint is tutoring Pietro.  
helasinhell - and then if shes getting hurt we can beat their dad if he really is hurting her.  
iwonthesitatebitch - Spy???  
deafkatniss - It's not a bad idea Nat  
onearmedbastard - I volunteer to be the person to beat the guy's ass  
iwonthesitatebitch - No one is beating anyone's ass.  
onearmedbastard - awwwww  
onearmedbastard - you're no fun.  
iwonthesitatebitch - I am but right now is not the time for fun.  
rawritsloki - so it's settled. tomorrow we meet at the twin's house after school and try to catch the bastard in the act.  
iwonthesitatebitch - hold on. Wanda's texting me. She probably woke up.  
deafkatniss - okay. Tell us what happens  
iwonthesitatebitch - I will. I promise

 

 

 

 **Red Heads**  
scarletbitch - Wanda Maximoff  
iwonthesitatebitch - Natasha Romanoff

_Monday 8:39 pm_

scarletbitch - Tasha?  
iwonthesitatebitch - What's up?  
scarletbitch - I think I have to cancel Wednesday.  
iwonthesitatebitch - Okay... Mind if I ask why? This seems a little weird considering what just happened.  
scarletbitch - I just... Something just came up.  
iwonthesitatebitch - Okay... You doing okay?  
scarletbitch - I'm just tired. I had a hectic weekend and I'm a little stressed. Plus the whole arm thing...  
iwonthesitatebitch - I understand. It happens.  
scarletbitch - yeah... I'm sorry.  
iwonthesitatebitch - For what?  
scarletbitch - for needing you to tutor me. and bothering you with the broken arm. also sorry i uh ran away from school today? I know it was a bad idea but I just... idk I wanted to.  
iwonthesitatebitch - You don't need to be sorry. I understand that shit happens. Besides, I like tutoring you.  
scarletbitch - okay...  
iwonthesitatebitch - Wanda, I know somethings bothering you. What is it?  
scarletbitch - nothings bothering me.  
iwonthesitatebitch - Wands...  
scarletbitch - I'm fine Natasha.  
scarletbitch - Leave me alone.  
iwonthesitatebitch - You're not fine! I'm really worried about you!  
scarletbitch - Stop worrying. I. Am. Fine.  
iwonthesitatebitch - Fine. Do you still want me to grab you some clean clothes?  
scarletbitch - Sure. Whatever.

 

 

 

 

 **Scary Bitches Unite**  
iwonthesitatebitch - Natasha Romanoff  
rawritsloki - Loki Odinson  
onearmedbastard - Bucky Barnes  
helasinhell - Hela Odinson  
deafkatniss - Clint Barton  
mercwithamouth - Wade Wilson

_Monday, 9:07 pm_

iwonthesitatebitch - (Screenshots x2)  
onearmedbastard - guys listen. if she tries to give any of her things to you, anything mildly important, she's thinking about suicide. i think shes clearly irritable and sad. she might have plans. we can't let her go through with them.  
rawritsloki - how do you know so much about suicide???  
onearmedbastard - past experience.  
deafkatniss - also if she suddenly changes her physical appearance, like cutting her hair. If she's losing weight or gaining weight, that's a sign.  
deafkatniss - Nat I know you care deeply about her. all of us do. we all have to look for the signs. we all have to help as much as we can.  
iwonthesitatebitch - Clint. I love her. I understand what we have to do. Guys, please. All of you. Please help. I don't need to lose someone else close to me.  
rawritsloki - but wait uh what if the others don't notice and like she gives shit away  
helasinhell - I assume someone will say something in some chat to someone.  
deafkatniss - Yeah I mean hopefully we see anything like that happening. One of is in every one of her classes, right? Also idk if we should tell Pietro. I want to but at the same time, it might spook her.  
iwonthesitatebitch - lets not yet. if it gets worse we are telling the group. And yes I think someone is in every class she has.  
rawritsloki - okay. I'll see you guys tomorrow  
deafkatniss - yeah. also, whatever you do, don't set Wanda off. Don't try and tip her off that we know because it will scare her.  
iwonthesitatebitch - okay. remember, we meet after school and go to the Maximoff's house.  
helasinhell - goodnight yall  
mercwithamouth - i just sucked some dick, came back to this, and now want to cut a bitch.

 

 

 

 

 **OPERATION GET NATASHA TO DATE WANDA FFS**  
deafkatniss - Clint Barton  
bossassbutch - Carol Danvers  
rawritsloki - Loki Odinson  
gimmebooze - Valkyrie  
roadrunner - Pietro Maximoff  
onearmedbastard - Bucky Barnes  
mercwithamouth - Wade Wilson  
memeyboy - Peter Parker  
wizardofthegay - Stephen Strange  
testosterone - Maria Hill  
thehotmess - Pepper Potts

Monday 10:03 pm

bossassbutch - not to pry but did those two dimwits work it out?  
deafkatniss - uhhhhh  
rawritsloki - it's  
onearmedbastard - a little...  
mercwithamouth - complicated?  
roadrunner - do y'all know something I don't?  
roadrunner - I feel like y'all are hiding something.  
deafkatniss - Nooooooo  
deafkatniss - uh  
rawritsloki - PIETRO AND CLINT ARE DATING  
_rawritsloki, mercwithamouth, deafkatniss, and onearmedbastard logged off._  
roadrunner - ffs  
_roadrunner logged off_  
bossassbutch - okay...  
testosterone - what the actual fuck  
thehotmess - ^^  
memeyboy - ^^^^  
wizardofthegay - ^^^^^^

 

 

 

 

 **OPERATION BEAT THE FUCK OUT OF VIS**  
bossassbutch - Carol Danvers  
onearmedbastard - Bucky Barnes  
gimmebooze - Valkyrie  
mercwithamouth - Wade Wilson  
deafkatniss - Clint Barton  
rawritsloki - Loki Odinson  
roadrunner - Pietro Maximoff  
iwonthesitatebitch - Natasha Romanoff

_Monday 10:27 pm_

_iwonthesitatebitch kicked roadrunner from_ **OPERATION BEAT THE FUCK OUT OF VIS**  
_deafkatniss renamed the chat_ **OPERATION SPYTOWN**  
bossassbutch - uhhhhhh  
gimmebooze - What is happening?  
deafkatniss - o shit  
deafkatniss - do we tell them or kick them  
iwonthesitatebitch - y'all can keep a secret right  
gimmebooze - Yeah?  
bossassbutch - Why did you kick Pietro?  
iwonthesitatebitch - (Screenshots x4)  
gimmebooze - HOLY SHIT  
bossassbutch - WHAT THE FUCK  
gimmebooze - Okay so we are spying on the Maximoffs  
rawritsloki - to put it simply, yes.  
rawritsloki - o shit  
rawritsloki added helasinhell  
helasinhell - oh so those two have been briefed.  
helasinhell - anyway we will take my van and hopefully not get arrested.  
mercwithamouth - remember that Clint has to keep Pietro occupied.  
mercwithamouth - ;)  
deafkatniss - ffs wade  
gimmebooze - ANYWAY  
gimmebooze - like what are we supposed to do when we get to the house.  
iwonthesitatebitch - I think two or three people should be outside the house at different locations, trying to see any disruptions. They have a bit of shrubbery to hide in.  
deafkatniss - I have my job.  
deafkatniss - and one of y'all have to text me when you leave, and at 4:30 if you haven't left because that's when Pietro is supposed to go home. It's about a 15-minute walk, and he always walks.  
helasinhell - I can stay in the van and if y'all get spotted run real fast and I will have the van ready to go.  
mercwithamouth - I can spy. i'm pretty good.  
gimmebooze - I can't. Carol can take pictures and spy. idk what I can do but.  
iwonthesitatebitch - So Loki, Carol, Wade, and I will spy and take some pictures.  
iwonthesitatebitch - Hela and Valkyrie will stay with the van.  
iwonthesitatebitch - Also the ones spying will keep y'all posted and when we leave and stuff.  
iwonthesitatebitch - Just don't get caught. If you are spotted run and we'll see you running.  
iwonthesitatebitch - Okay?  
deafkatniss - okay  
helasinhell - we got this.  
helasinhell - Just don't do something stupid.  
helasinhell - looking at you Nat  
iwonthesitatebitch - Why???  
helasinhell - I have a feeling that if you see Wanda getting hurt ur gonna flip and try and defend her.  
iwonthesitatebitch - yeah...  
gimmebooze - just don't  
bossassbutch - we need evidence, not a lawsuit or an arrest.

 

 **Red Heads**  
scarletbitch - Wanda Maximoff  
iwonthesitatebitch - Natasha Romanoff

_Tuesday 1:23 am_

scarletbitch - fuck

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uh oh it's a disaster...  
> stay tuned to see them spy (and maybe learn some shit)


	16. grape the snake

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> deafkatniss - Scott is a mess  
> deafkatniss - and that's coming from me  
> deafkatniss - anyway I'm stuck on the bookshelf in Coulson's room.

**Red Heads**  
scarletbitch - Wanda Maximoff  
iwonthesitatebitch - Natasha Romanoff

_Tuesday 1:23 am_

scarletbitch - fuck

_Tuesday 6:53 am_

iwonthesitatebitch - Wanda???  
iwonthesitatebitch - Are you okay?  
scarletbitch - fine yeah  
scarletbitch - see you later  
_scarletbitch logged off_  
iwonthesitatebitch - ???

 

 

 

 

 

 

 **what's straight???**  
tonysnark - Tony Stark  
deafkatniss - Clint Barton  
patrioticdoof - Steve Rogers  
iwonthesitatebitch - Natasha Romanoff  
bossassbutch - Carol Danvers  
gimmebooze - Valkyrie  
onearmedbastard - Bucky Barnes  
poptartgod - Thor Odinson  
softgreenuwu - Bruce Banner  
kingmeow - T'Challa  
flyingbastard - Sam Wilson  
rawritsloki - Loki Odinson  
memeyboy - Peter Parker  
wizardofthegay - Stephen Strange  
scarletbitch - Wanda Maximoff  
roadrunner - Pietro Maximoff  
milesformiles - Miles Morales  
dontfuckwithme - Michelle Jones  
ishurihopeitdoes - Shuri  
testosterone - Maria Hill  
thehotmess - Pepper Potts

 

_Tuesday 8:27 am_

roadrunner - why tf is everyone acting so weird???  
tonysnark - ???  
roadrunner - Loki and Natasha are like exchanging glances and looking at Wanda like something is wrong.  
iwonthesitatebitch - No...  
rawritsloki - Uh it's a normal second Monday at school don't worry Pietro  
memeyboy - No it's not i see what he's talking about  
memeyboy - (images x2)  
dontfuckwithme - ??????  
tonysnark - this calls for an interrogation.  
tonysnark - Natasha?  
iwonthesitatebitch - no  
 _iwonthesitatebitch has logged off_  
tonysnark - shit  
poptartgod - LOKI  
rawritsloki - WHAT  
poptartgod - WHY IS HELA IN THE OFFICE  
rawritsloki - ffs she's ruining the plan goddammit  
 _rawritsloki logged off_  
poptartgod - LOKI  
 _poptartgod logged off_  
tonysnark - so what I'm hearing is there is a PLAN  
gimmebooze - TONY STOP STICKING YOUR DAMN NOSE WHERE IT DON'T BELONG  
bossassbutch - ^^  
roadrunner - are you guys okay?  
bossassbutch - no next question  
gimmebooze - sure whatever next question  
_gimmebooze and bossassbutch logged off_  
roadrunner - @deafkatniss do you know what the fuck is going on  
deafkatniss - all I know is  
deafkatniss - penis  
deafkatniss - jkjkjk  
deafkatniss - I don't know anything other than Hela is sitting in the office staring at the secretary and radiating big dick energy  
roadrunner - WAIT WHY DON'T I HAVE ACCESS TO THE OPERATION BEAT UP CHAT ANYMORE???  
 _deafkatniss and onearmedbastard logged off_  
roadrunner - GUYS???  
wizardofthegay - well this calls for a drink  
tonysnark - ^^^

 

 

 

 

 

 

 **OPERATION SPYTOWN**  
bossassbutch - Carol Danvers  
onearmedbastard - Bucky Barnes  
gimmebooze - Valkyrie  
mercwithamouth - Wade Wilson  
deafkatniss - Clint Barton  
rawritsloki - Loki Odinson  
iwonthesitatebitch - Natasha Romanoff  
helasinhell - Hela Odinson

_Tuesday 8:47 am_

rawritsloki - Hela what the fuck  
helasinhell - They want to suspend me for running away yesterday  
rawritsloki - and are they gonna?  
helasinhell - yeah  
helasinhell - so catch you later bitches  
helasinhell - I'll pick you up at 3  
iwonthesitatebitch - also sidenote PIETRO IS SUSPICIOUS  
deafkatniss - because YOU and LOKI were being sus  
helasinhell - fuCK  
rawritsloki - Do we tell him  
deafkatniss - I hate to say this but no  
deafkatniss - he might not believe us if we only have circumstantial evidence and he might think his dad is a really good person and would never do that  
deafkatniss - so as much as I want to tall him it's a bad idea  
onearmedbastard - god steve is on MY DICK for the whole big gc thing and I want to block him  
helasinhell - then block him??? it's that simple.  
onearmedbastard - you right, you right.  
rawritsloki - also Hela be prepared to be yelled at by Thor  
helasinhell - he can FIGHT me  
helasinhell - also it's stupid that the school punished me for leaving school  
helasinhell - by telling me I can't go to school for two days  
iwonthesitatebitch - Welcome to America's public school system

 

 

 **all business no fun**  
tonysnark - Tony Stark  
thehotmess - Pepper Potts

 _Tuesday 9:13 am_  

tonysnark - hey can you investigate something for me  
thehotmess - Tony wtf  
tonysnark - just read  
tonysnark - (Screenshots x2)  
thehotmess - And you want me to do what about this?  
tonysnark - You and Maria have a class with both of them in it  
thehotmess - Okay?  
tonysnark - Tell me if they act weird.  
tonysnark - or if Nat does anything weird  
tonysnark - Or if Loki, Clint, Val, Carol, Bucky, and Wade do anything.  
thehotmess - What's in it for me?  
tonysnark - uh idk a sandwich??  
thehotmess - Fine.  
tonysnark - You're the best :)  
thehotmess - I know  
_thehotmess has logged off_

 

 

 

 **magic man(s)**  
wizardofthegay - Stephen Strange  
scarletbitch - Wanda Maximoff  
worldsgreatestgrandma - Scott Lang  
rawritsloki - Loki Odinson

_Tuesday 10:23 am_

worldsgreatestgrandma - Mr. Thanos is out to kill me I swear  
wizardofthegay - you threw an ANT FARM at him yesterday  
worldsgreatestgrandma - yeah BECAUSE he's out to get me.  
rawritsloki - sure Jan  
scarletbitch - Hey Loki give me your backpack snake  
rawritsloki - His name is GRAPE  
rawritsloki - and WHY?  
scarletbitch - because  
scarletbitch - I want to scare Mr. Coulson  
scarletbitch - because he took away my guard deck  
wizardofthegay - You and Peter were playing SLAPJACK  
wizardofthegay - REALLY FUCKING LOUDLY  
scarletbitch - so??? He deserves karma  
rawritsloki - good enough for me.  
scarletbitch - :)

 

 

 

 

 **what's straight???**  
tonysnark - Tony Stark  
deafkatniss - Clint Barton  
patrioticdoof - Steve Rogers  
iwonthesitatebitch - Natasha Romanoff  
bossassbutch - Carol Danvers  
gimmebooze - Valkyrie  
onearmedbastard - Bucky Barnes  
poptartgod - Thor Odinson  
softgreenuwu - Bruce Banner  
kingmeow - T'Challa  
flyingbastard - Sam Wilson  
rawritsloki - Loki Odinson  
memeyboy - Peter Parker  
wizardofthegay - Stephen Strange  
scarletbitch - Wanda Maximoff  
roadrunner - Pietro Maximoff  
milesformiles - Miles Morales  
dontfuckwithme - Michelle Jones  
ishurihopeitdoes - Shuri  
testosterone - Maria Hill  
thehotmess - Pepper Potts

_Tuesday 10:34 am_

tonysnark - WHAT THE FUCK  
tonysnark - WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK  
milesformiles - ???  
memeyboy - WANDA  
poptartgod - LOKI IS THAT GRAPE  
rawritsloki - Maybe...?  
milesformiles - Grape???  
wizardofthegay - NO WANDA PUT THE SNAKE DOWN  
milesformiles - SNAKE???  
iwonthesitatebitch - I'm sorry... WHAT?  
tonysnark - WANDA JUST PULLED OUT A SNAKE  
tonysnark - BECAUSE MR. COULSON TOOK HER CARD DECK  
poptartgod - LOKI  
rawritsloki - She asked for grape???  
rawritsloki - I didn't know what she wanted him for.  
wizardofthegay - .....  
onearmedbastard - my favorite part of this is the snake is like sitting on Wanda's shoulders and she's at Coulson's desk and he looks terrified and Clint is screaming like a little girl in the background and climbing the bookcase  
deafkatniss - naT COME GET YOUR GIRL PLEASE  
tonysnark - PLEASE???  
iwonthesitatebitch - COMING  
wizardofthegay - not to alarm y'all but the snake just entered the vents  
rawritsloki - NO GRAPE  
wizardofthegay - and Loki has also entered the vents???  
scarletbitch - I got my cards back!!!  
mercwithamouth - What did it cost?  
scarletbitch - like one snake idk not that much  
rawritsloki - WANDA I WILL KILL YOU  
scarletbitch - not if i have anything to say about it  
scarletbitch - side note does anyone know a good place to hide in this school  
scarletbitch - Fury may or may not be chasing me  
tonysnark - THIS SCHOOL IS A FUCKING NIGHTMARE  
memeyboy - and there's the fire alarm  
softgreenuwu - yeah but not for the snake  
softgreenuwu - Scott Lang just lit his science table on fire  
gimmebooze - pARTY!!!  
softgreenuwu - he spilled Val's vodka  
softgreenuwu - and then he dropped a joint on accident.  
deafkatniss - Scott is a mess  
deafkatniss - and that's coming from me  
deafkatniss - anyway I'm stuck on the bookshelf in Coulson's room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the plan takes place in the next chapter  
> and grape the snake is named after that one vine  
> because I'm not creative at all

**Author's Note:**

> This will probably be updated once or twice a week, also probably gonna be a really long book. also this book is literally a meme.


End file.
